May 19, 2014 - James McAvoy

  • Episode: 19107
  • (0)

The V.A. continues to mismanage veterans' health care, Jason Jones compares democracy in India and America, and James McAvoy chats about "X-Men: Days of Future Past."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: BONJOUR! WELCOME

TO THE DAILY SHOW, MY NAMEIS JON STEWART.

GOOD SHOW TONIGHT. YOU KNOWWHO'S ON THE SHOW TONIGHT THERE?

PROFESSOR X, ANDYOU MAY THINK TO YOURSELF

OH -- PATRICK STEWART. NO!

JAMES MCAVOY IS PROFESSOR X.

I JUST BLEW YOUR [BLEEP] MIND.

(LAUGHTER)YOU MAY REMEMBER, A FEW WEEKS

AGO ON THE PROGRAM,DO YOU WATCH THE PROGRAM?

(LAUGHTER)A FEW WEEKS AGO, OR YOU MAY NOT

REMEMBER, YOU MAY HAVEBEEN WATCHING BASKETBALL.

WE ADDRESSED A MINORINCIDENT IN OUR OTHERWISE

SPOTLESS DEPARTMENT OFVETERANS AFFAIRS.

SOMETHING ABOUT THE PHOENIXVA WORKERS FALSIFYING

PATIENT WAITING LISTS SOTHAT IT DIDN'T SEEM LIKE

VETERANS HAD LONG WAITSBEFORE SEEING DOCTORS.

BUT THEY REALLY DID HAVE LONGWAITS.

(LAUGHTER)BUT YOU KNOW IT WAS A GOOD

SYSTEM GIVE OR TAKE A COUPLEOF SCORES OF VETERANS IT MAY

HAVE KILLED.

I GOT SO MAD THAT I SCREAMEDINTO THIS JAR. IT IS A SWEAR

JAR THAT I WOULD SCREAMINTO.

IT'S PRETTY FULL NOW,UNFORTUNATELY.

LET ME JUST-- [BLEEP](LAUGHTER)

[BLEEP].

>> Jon: I THINK THAT MIGHTHAVE BEEN A THREE SYLLABLE

ONE, I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, GOOD NEWS, ACCORDINGTO VA SECRETARY ERIC

SHINSEKI'S CONGRESSIONALTESTIMONY LAST WEEK, MY VA

SWEAR JAR DAYS ARE OVER.

>> ARE PEOPLE QUOTE, UNQUOTE,COOK THE BOOKS?

IS THAT IN FACT A PROBLEMWITHIN THE HEALTH-CARE

SYSTEM?

>> I AM NOT AWARE AND OTHERTHAN A NUMBER OF ISOLATED

CASES WHERE THERE ISEVIDENCE OF THAT.

>> Jon: ISOLATED CASES,QUARANTINED.

SO THAT MAKES ME FEEL MUCHBETTER, UNLESS, AND I THINK

THIS IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY, ANEWS REPORT WOULD AIR, I

DON'T KNOW, THE EXACT SAMEDAY THAT SHINSEKI WAS

TESTIFYING BEFORE CONGRESS,UNLESS A NEWS REPORT LIKE

THAT SAYS OTHERWISE.

>> IT'S ALLEGED THAT VAHOSPITALS IN AT LEAST EIGHT

STATES WERE HIDING VETERANSAPPOINTMENTS ON SECRET LISTS

TO IMPROVE HOSPITAL RECORDSON WAIT TIMES.

>> OH.

>> Jon: AT LEAST EIGHT STATES.HUH -- [BLEEP] [BLEEP]

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: IS BALLS REALLY A

SWEAR WORD? IS THAT-- I REALLYJUST COULD, I DON'T,

I DON'T KNOW HOWBALLS GOT IN THERE, QUITE

FRANKLY.

ACTUALLY, I DO NOW HOW BALLSGOT IN THERE.

(LAUGHTER)SO GENERAL SHINSEKI, BY

ISOLATED YOU MEANT THAT THEPROBLEM OF INADEQUATE

VETERAN HEALTH CARE WASISOLATED TO VETERANS.

WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE SENIORVA MANAGEMENT IN 2010 SENT A

MEMO WARNING REGIONAL VADIRECTORS ABOUT

INAPPROPRIATE PRACTICESDESIGNED TO MAKE WAITING

LISTS LOOK SHORTER, EXCEPTTHEY DID.

OR THAT CBS NEWS OBTAINEDANOTHER MEMO FROM A VA

HOSPITAL EXPLICITLYOUTLINING HOW AND WHY

COLLEAGUES SHOULD GAME THEWAITING LIST.

>> IF WE EXCEED THE 14 DAYMEASURE FOR SCHEDULING

APPOINTMENTS, HE SAYS, THEFRONT OFFICE GETS VERY

UPSET.

HE OUTLINED A WAY TO GETAROUND IT.

WHEN PATIENTS CALLED FOR ANAPPOINTMENT THEY WERE NOT

BOOKED INTO THE COMPUTERUNTIL AN APPOINTMENT CAME UP

NO LATER THAN 14 DAYS AWAY.

THAT WAY THE MEMO SAYS YOUGET OFF THE BAD BOY'S LIST.

>> Jon: OH JESUS. BALLS!

YES, YOU WOULD GET OFF THEVA'S BAD BOY LIST.

BUT THERE'S THIS OTHERLIST.

PERHAPS WRITTEN MOREINDELIBLY. NO. I WAS ACTUALLY

THINKING OF THE BIG BOOK OFASSHOLES -- BY THE WAY

THE GUY ON THE COVER THERE, WEGOOGLED IMAGES OF ASSHOLES

AND THAT'S LIKE, THAT'S LIKE THESTOCK PHOTO THAT CAME UP.

SO I APOLOGIZE TO WHOEVERJUST THOUGHT SURE, I'LL FIX

MY HAIR, WHY NOT.

GENERAL SHINSEKI ANYTHINGWOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY ABOUT

THIS LATEST INSULT TO OURNATION'S VETERANS?

>> ANY ADVERSE INCIDENT LIKETHIS MAKES ME AS-- MAKES ME MAD

AS HELL.

I COULD USE STRONGER LANGUAGESURE, MR. CHAIRMAN.

BUT IN DEFERENCE TO THECOMMITTEE I WON'T.

>> NO I THINK THAT WOULD BEAN APPROPRIATE USE OF

STRONGER LANGUAGE.

PERHAPS I CAN OFFER YOUSOMETHING.

LET'S DIP INTO THE JAR ANDSEE WHAT WE'VE GOT.

MOTHER [BLEEP] [BLEEP].

>> YEAH MOTHER [BLEEP][BLEEP] DOES SEEM APPROPRIATE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK GENERALSHINSEKI, SINCE YOU'VE

HEADED UP THE VA SINCE 2009,FIVE YEARS INTO YOUR TENURE

MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO RACHETUP THE VOCABULARY OR

PERHAPS EVEN USE SOMENONVERBAL SIGNS

TO BETTER CONVEY THE ANGER YOUSAY YOU

FEEL BUT CAN'T USE APPARENTLYTO GET RESULTS. BECAUSE YOU

DON'T LOOK MAD. FOR INSTANCE, ACAT MIGHT PIN HIS EARS BACK.

A HARP SEAL MIGHT RAISE UPON ITS, WHATEVER THAT THING

IS THAT IT'S RAISING UP ON.BUT A HUMAN, A HUMAN MIGHT

MOVE THEIR LIPS ORFACE. YOUR'S MAD AS HELL FACE

LOOKS A LOT LIKE YOUR OH WE'REOUT OF ORANGE JUICE FACE.

(LAUGHTER)MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE A PAGE

OUT OF AUSTRALIANDESCRIBING DOG INTERACTION GUY.

>> THEY CAME BOUNDING OVER --

>> NOW THAT GUY GETS THINGSDONE.

NOW OF COURSE. MOTHER [BLEEP][BLEEP] [BLEEP]

THERE'S APPARENTLY ALEAK.

NOW SHINSEKI IS ALSO THOUGH NOTTHE ONLY ONE WHO

IS VERY ANGRY.

>> THE PRESIDENT IS MADDERTHAN HELL AND I HAVE GOT THE

SCARS TO PROVE IT.

>> OH, YEAH, NO, I'M SURETHE STORY OF HOW YOU GOT

THOSE SCARS WILL REALLYIMPRESS THE GUYS WAITING AT

THE VA FOR TREATMENT.

OH, LOST A LEG THERE TO AN IEDIN FALLUJAH.

WELL, I GOT THIS WHEN SOMESPITTLE HIT ME IN THE EYEBROW

SO-- YEAH.

NOW OF COURSE THIS TYPE OFBUREAUCRATIC TRAUMA RUNS

DEEP. THE ANGER AND SADNESS GO

BACK YEARS LIKE TO2007 WHEN THE WALTER REED FILTHY

AND NEGLIGENT VA HOSPITALSCANDAL BROKE.

>> I WAS DISTURBED BY THEIRACCOUNTS.

>> I LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE WASBOTH ANGERED AND

OFFENDED.

>> SO, I SEE WHAT IS HAPPENINGHERE.

THE DEPRESSION, THE IMPOTENTRAGE.

OUR GOVERNMENT LEADERS ARECLEARLY SUFFERING FROM PBSD

POST BUREAUCRATIC STRESSDISORDER.

IF ONLY THERE WAS SOMEWHERETHEY COULD GET TREATMENT.

WELL, IT'D PROBABLY BE A LONGWAITING LIST.

IN FACT, WALTER REED WASSUCH A BIG PROBLEM OUR

PRESIDENT WAS ON IT BEFOREHE WAS EVEN PRESIDENT.

>> THEY COME HOME TO A NEWFRONT LINE OF RED TAPE AND

BUREAUCRACY.

AND THAT'S UNACCEPTABLE.

>> THIS IS JUST ONE MOREEXAMPLE OF OUR FAILURE TO

LIVE UP TO WHAT WE PROFESSTO HONOR AND THAT IS

MILITARY SERVICE.

AND I THINK THAT IT'S A GOODWAY, I THINK THE AMERICAN

PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTED BY IT.

>> YEAH, BUT THAT WAKE UP CALLWAS SEVEN YEARS AGO, BUT FOR

SOME REASON WE JUST KEEPHITTING THE [BLEEP]

SNOOZE BUTTON AND IT'S REALLY,HERE'S WHAT DISGUSTS ME.

SOMEHOW WE AS A COUNTRY WEREABLE TO SHIP 300,000 TROOPS

HALFWAY ACROSS THE WORLD INJUST A FEW MONTHS TO FIGHT A

WAR THAT COST US $2 TRILLION,AN AMOUNT THAT DIDN'T COUNT

TOWARDS OUR DEFICIT BECAUSEWE PAID FOR IT SOMEHOW UNDER

THE TABLE.

YET FOR SOME REASON IT TAKESLONGER THAN THAT TO GET

SOMEONE HURT IN THAT WAR,NEEDED MEDICAL CARE OR

REIMBURSEMENT.

ALL WHILE WE PROFESS UNDYINGLOVE FOR THEIR SERVICE.

>> I WANT EVERY VETERAN TOKNOW THAT AMERICA WILL

ALWAYS HONOR YOUR SERVICE.

>> THEY SERVE AND SACRIFICE.

>> THE MOST HONORABLE MENAND WOMEN.

>> THE COURAGE ANDCOMMITMENT.

>> WE APPRECIATE YOU.

WE LOVE YOU.

>> THE BEST MILITARY IN THEWORLD.

>> WE HAVE THE FINESTMILITARY IN THE WORLD.

>> SO IT'S CLEAR LOVE ANDRESPECT AIN'T GETTING THE

JOB DONE SO THERE IS REALLYONLY ONE WAY TO PUT OUR

GOVERNMENT'S FULL RESOURCESBEHIND ANYTHING.

IF YOU REALLY WANT TOIMPROVE THE LIFE OF THESE

VETERANS, I'M AFRAID WE HAVETO DECLARE A WAR ON THEM.

(LAUGHTER)>> CONGRESS, WRITE A BLANK

CHECK TO FUND OPERATIONENDURING WAIT LIST, A WAR ON

ERROR.

BECAUSE IF YOU WANTAMERICANS TO FEEL SHOCK AND

AWE, YOU'LL FIX THIS [BLEEP]THING.

[BLEEP] WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> WELCOME BACK.LAST WEEK OUR OWN JASON JONES

TRAVELED TO INDIATO REPORT ON THEIR JUST ADORABLE

LARGEST DEMOCRACY ON EARTH.TONIGHT IN PART 2

OF HIS SERIES JASON LEARNSHOW INDIA HANDLES THE

ELECTIONS THEMSELVES.

AS I TRAVEL THROUGH INDIA IWAS STRUCK BY THIS FESTIVAL

OF DEMOCRACY BUT IF THIS ISTHEIR IDEA OF A MORNING

COMMUTE THERE WAS NO WAYTHEY COULD POSSIBLY ENGINEER

ELECTIONS THAT RIVAL OURS.

I SAT WITH THE FORMER HEADOF INDIA'S POWERFUL ELECTION

COMMISSION TO SEE HOW THISADORABLE DEMOCRACY HANDLES

MODERN POLITICS.

>> WE IN INDIA HAVE SURELYTHE BIGGEST DEMOCRACY ON THE

PLANET.

AND WE WOULD LIKE IT TO BETHE GREATEST.

>> I DON'T WANT TO BAG BUT ACOUPLE OF OUR STATES HAVE

BEEN EXPERIMENTING WITHELECTRONIC VOTING.

WE'RE KIND OF PIONEERS WHENIT COMES TO THAT.

>> DO YOU WE HAVE 100%ELECTRONIC VOTING.

>> 100 PERCENT.

>> 100 PERCENT.

>> OKAY, FINE, BUT INAMERICA WE HAVE A VARIETY OF

WAYS TO KEEP VOTER TURNOUTLOW SO THAT OUR DEMOCRACY

DOESN'T BECOME TOOREPRESENTATIVE.

HOW DOES INDIA TAMP DOWNTHEIR LESS DESIRED VOTERS.

>> WHO ARE YOURDISENFRANCHISED VOTERS?

>> OH UH, OH, ACTUALLY, NOBODY.

>> WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO-- WHAT ABOUT THE LEPERS

IS WHAT I AM SAYING?

>> OH, THEY, THEY VOTE.

>> WHAT?

>> THEY VOTE.

>> I WAS JUST MAKING A JOKE.

YOU ACTUALLY HAVE LEPERSHERE.

>> OF COURSE, EVERY VOTECOUNTS AND EVERY VOTE IS

EQUAL.

>> YEAH, RIGHT, I OBTAINED THISACTUAL TRAINING VIDEO FROM THE

ELECTION COMMISSION THATSHOWS THEY DON'T REALLY DO

THAT MUCH TO ACCOMMODATE THELEPER VOTE BECAUSE IN INDIA

THEY MARK YOUR FINGER AFTERYOU VOTE BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF

YOU DON'T HAVE A LEFT INDEXFINGER.

OH, YOU GO TO THE NEXT ONE?

OK, WELL WHAT IF YOU HAVE NOFINGERS?

OH, YOU MARK THE HAND.

NO ARM?

HOLY [BLEEP] THEYMAKE IT EASY FOR YOU.

BUT IF THEY LET LEPERS VOTEWHAT GROUP DO THEY PREVENT

FROM VOTING?

>> EVERYONE, RICH, POOR, URBAN,RURAL, LITERATE, ILLITERATE,

EVERYONE, HOMELESS, THEY'RE ALLVOTERS.

>> YOU LET YOUR ILLITERATE VOTE?

>> OF COURSE. SOME OF THEILLITERATES ARE THE MOST

ENTHUSIASTIC VOTERS. SO, THAT'SWHY FOR THEM WE HAVE SYMBOLS.

>> YOU JUST PICK EITHER THEKITE OR THE COFFEE CUP.

>> WHAT IS THIS ONEHERE? THIS LOOKS LIKE TWO

PENISES.

>> YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.

IT IS NOT VERY CLEAR.

>> NO, NO. IT'S VERY CLEAR ITLOOKS LIKE TWO [BLEEP]

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO MAKEIT VERY SIMPLE BECAUSE IT HAS

TO CARRY THE LAST PERSON WITHYOU.

>> AND HE LITERALLY MEANS THELAST PERSON.

>> WE HAVE A POLLING STATION FORA SINGLE VOTER IN THE FOREST OF

GUJARAT.

>> THAT SOUNDS LIKE ANINCREDIBLE WASTE OF RESOURCES.

>> THAT IS A VERY OFFENSIVESTATEMENT.

>> BUT IT WAS TRUE,EVERYWHERE I WENT BY BOAT,

OX CART, FARM EQUIPMENT ORTHE PATEL FAMILY STATION

WAGON THERE WAS A POLLINGSTATION.

LITERALLY ONE STATION EVERYTWO KILOMETERS ACROSS THE

ENTIRE COUNTRY.

AND THEY WERE SURPRISINGLYCOMFORTABLE.

>> I LOVE THE SPREAD YOU PUT OUTFOR THE MEDIA,

THAT'S REALLY, REALLY NICE.THESE CHIPS ARE GREAT.

>> MAYBE NOT FOR MEDIA,IT IS FOR OUR VOTERS.

>> THIS STUFF'S FOR THE VOTERS?

>> YES.

>> AND AMAZINGLY THE VOTERSACTUALLY LIKED IT.

>> PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINKTHEIR VOTE COUNTS HERE?

>> WE BELIEVE OUR VOTES TRULYCOUNT.

AND WE WILL USE THEM TOBRING CHANGES TO THE RULING

CONGRESS PARTY.

>> SURELY THE RULINGCONGRESS PARTY MUST BE

WORRIED ABOUT ALL THISDEMOCRACY.

I SAT DOWN WITH ONE OF THEIRTOP MEMBERS.

>> WE PREFER A SYSTEMIN INDIA WHERE IT'S

ALL INDEPENDENT AUTHORITIES THATDECIDE THAT.

>> THERE ARE THINGS YOUCOULD DO TO PREVENT YOURSELF

FROM LOSING.>> AH, YOU MEAN BY ENSURING

THAT PEOPLE CAN'TREGISTER TO VOTE?

>> EXACTLY.

>> WE DON'T DO THAT IN INDIA.

>> EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU'RE GOINGTO LOSE.

>> WELL, I THINK IT WILL BEREVEALED BY THE VOTERS ON

THE 16th OF MAY.

>> AND REVEALED IT WAS.

THEY GOT THEIR ASSES KICKEDWHEN 67% OF INDIAN VOTERS

SHOWED UP AT THE POLLS.

A NUMBER WE HAVEN'T SEENSINCE THE ELECTION OF 1900.

>> HOW CAN SOMEONE WHO LOOKSLIKE YOU AND SOUNDS LIKE

YOU BE SUCH A [BLEEP]POLITICIAN.

>> I GUESS.

>> FINE, MAYBE THEIRDEMOCRACY WAS MORE VIBRANT

THAN OURS.

BUT COMING UP NEXT TIMEWE'LL SEE THERE IS NO WAY

THEIR 24 HOUR NEWS CAN LIVEUP TO --

>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

>> JASON JONES, WE'LL BERIGHT BACK.

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK, MYGUEST TONIGHT HE'S GOT A GREAT

NEW FILM. IT'S CALLED X-MEN:DAYS OF FUTURE PAST.

>> I WAS SENT HERE FOR YOU.

>> WELL TELL WHOEVER IT WAS THATSENT YOU THAT I'M BUSY.

>> IT'S GOING TO BE A LITTLETRICKY BECAUSE THE PERSON

WHO SENT ME WAS YOU.

>> WHAT?

>> ABOUT 50 YEARS FROM NOW.

>> 50 YEARS FROM NOW LIKE INTHE FUTURE. 50 YEARS FROM NOW?

>> YEAH.

>> I SENT YOU FROM THEFUTURE.

>> YEAH.

>> IF YOU HAD YOUR POWERSYOU WOULD KNOW I WAS TELLING

THE TRUTH.

>> HOW DO YOU KNOW I DON'THAVE MY-- ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE

PIQUED MY INTEREST, WHAT DOYOU WANT?

>> I NEED YOUR HELP.

>> WE NEED YOUR HELP.

>> Jon: PIQUED MY INTERESTAS WELL.

PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THEPROGRAM JAMES MCAVOY.

(APPLAUSE)MARVELOUS! THIS IS THE ONE I'VE

BEEN WAITING FOR.

DAYS OF FUTURE PAST.

THIS IS FOR THE X-MENAFFICIONADO THIS, THIS SEQUENCE

IS, IS REALLY THE PINNACLE OFTHE, OF THE X-MEN SERIES.

YOU AS A YOUNG PROFESSOR XMEETING UP WITH -- WELL, IN THE

COMIC STRIP IT'S NOT WOLVERINE.BUT, KITTY PRYDE, I THINK IS

THE -->> YEAH, KITTY PRYDE IS THE WHO

GET SENT BACK IN THE, YOU'RE,YOU'RE A FAN OF X-MEN?

>> NO. NO, WHAT? WHAT, YOU

THIN, I'M A 51 YEAR OLD MAN. IMEAN, COME ON. WHAT DO YOU THINK

I SIT AROUND READING COMICBOOKS, YEAH, JUST WHY DIDN'T

THEY USE KITTY PRYDE? I WAS JUSTSURPRISED BY THAT. THAT'S ALL.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHYTHEY SENT WOLVERINE BACK.

PROBABLY BECAUSE IT IS PLAYEDBY HUGH JACKMAN WHO'S THE

SINGLE MOST CHARISMATIC MAN ITHINK I'VE

EVER MET IN MY LIFE.

>> IT'S A LITTLE, IT'S CRAZYISN'T IT?

>> YEAH. INCREDIBLE.

>> HE'S, HE'S QUITE CHARISMATICTHERE.

THE IDEA, YOU AS PROFESSOR X ASA YOUNG MAN WHO HAS, IS

SQUANDERING HIS POWERS ONTHE DRINK, ON THE DRUGS.

>> NOT ON THE LADIES. WHAT IS HETHINKING?

>> NO, BUT STILLMOBILE. WHEN YOU AND PATRICK

STEWART GOT, AM I GIVING--SHOULD I --

>> NO, NO, NO. IT'S IN THETRAILER.

YOU CAN, YOU CAN.

IT'S IN THE TRAILER.

NO, DO. NO DO.

>> WHEN WOLVERINE COMES BACKAND YOU DIE, WHAT-- .

I'M JUST KIDDING, I'M KIDDING. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN.

>> IN THE HEAD. YEAH.

>> Jon: DID YOU-- DID YOU, HOWDID YOU GUYS PLAY THAT IDEA,

OF YOU'RE SCOTTISH, HE'SBRITISH,

HOW DID YOU PLAY THE IDEA THATYOU ARE A YOUNG HIM, CLEARLY

YOUR HAIR IS STILL THERE.

>> IT, IT IS. ITIS. WELL, YOU KNOW THERE IS

NO POINT IN GOINGBACK TO THE 60s AND 70s IF THEY

WEREN'T DIFFERENT.>> YEAH.

>> AND WE LOOKED AT EVERYTHINGTHAT PATRICK WAS

AND EVERYTHING THAT PATRICK DIDAND TRIED TO DO

SOMETHING AS FAR AWAY FROMTHAT AS POSSIBLE.

NOT BECAUSE HE DID A BADJOB.

HE DID AN INCREDIBLE JOB,>> RIGHT.

BUT IS SO THAT WE CAN THEN MOVETOWARDS IT OVER THE COURSE

OF MOVIES. SO THE OBVIOUS ONEIS TO GO WITH THE VISUAL

AND GO RIGHT, HE HAS NO HAIR,I'M GOING HAVE HAIR.

HE WAS REALLY NICE TOEVERYBODY I'M GOING TO BE

REALLY NASTY TO EVERYBODY.

SO HONESTLY IT WAS THATSIMPLE.

>> RIGHT. WAS IT, WAS THE BESTPART OF IT GOING AGAINST

YOURSELF?

>> OH, IF THAT MEANS, IS THAT AEPHEMISM FOR SOMETHING?

>> YOU AND PATRICK.

>> OH, RIGHT. I SEE WHAT YOU ARESAYING.

>> YEAH, THAT WAS NOT AEPHEMISM, NO.

>> RIGHT, I WAS LIKE GOINGAGAINST YOURSELF? IS THAT

WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU READ X-MENCOMICS ON YOUR OWN?

[LAUGHTER]>> YOU KNOW ME WELL.

>> IT HAS TO BE SAID THAT I'VEBEEN PUSHING THIS MOVIE FOR TWO

WEEKS NOW AND I'VEREALIZE ABOUT MYSELF THAT I'M

JUST A WALKING DICK JOKE. IJUST,

I'VE MADE MORE DICKJOKES IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS

THAN I THINK COMBINED FORCES OFNORTH AMERICA COULD MUSTER.

>> Jon: WELL, YOU REALLY SHOULDSEE SOME TAPES OF THIS SHOW.

WE'RE RIGHT UP THERE WITH YOU,MY FRIEND.

>> OK. NICE.

YOU'RE A BUSY, BUSY MAN. AND IDO APPRECIATE IT.

YOU HAVE BEEN ON THREECONTINENTS IN TWO DAYS OR

FOUR CONTINENTS PROMOTING.

>> YEAH, OH, PROMOTING. OH,SELLING. I AM A PROFESSIONAL

SALESMAN -->> YOU ARE. WHERE WERE YOU?

>> -- I WORK FOR THE MAN.>> WHERE WERE YOU?

>> I WAS IN LONDON FOR FIVEDAYS, THEN I WAS IN

NORTH-- I WAS IN NEW YORKFOR SIX DAYS AND I WAS IN

SAO, NO LONDON FOR TWO MOREDAYS AFTER THAT, THEN SAO PAULO

FOR TWO DAYS, THEN KENT FOR 24HOURS, THEN HERE AS

OF YESTERDAY.

>> WHAT, OUT OF ALL OFTHAT, AND I THINK I KNOW THE

ANSWER TO THIS, WHAT'S BEENYOUR FAVORITE? I MEAN, WHAT--

WHAT'S BEEN THE ONE WHERE YOUTHOUGHT TO YOURSELF LIKE

YEAH, THIS HAS BEEN WORTHTHE WHOLE FLYING AROUND?

>> IT IS A CLOSE, YOU ARE ACLOSE SECOND.

>> Jon: TO, TO?

>> FLYING A HELICOPTER.

>> Jon: YOU FLEW AHELICOPTER?

>> YEAH WE WERE FLYING AHELICOPTER,

WE LANDED IN SAO PAOLO ANDTHEY SAID THE TRAFFIC IS TOO

BAD, HERE YOU NEED TO GET IN AHELICOPTER.

AND I WAS LIKE DUDE I AIN'TGONNA ARGUE WITH THAT.

SO I GOT IN THE HELICOPTERAND I SAID SHOTGUN AND I WENT UP

THE FRONT AND WE GOT UP OVERTHE AIRPORT AND AS WE WERE

FLYING OUT INTO THECOUNTRYSIDE APPROACHING SAO

PAULO HE GOES WOULD YOU LIKETO FLY THE HELICOPTER

AND I LOOKED AT HIM AND ITHOUGHT HE WAS JOKING AND HE

JUST TOOK HIS HANDS OFF THEJOYSTICK. THAT'S JUST WHAT ITIS.

>> Jon: NO, I UNDERSTAND. IUNDERSTAND.

>> AND THE CONTROL STICKAND--

>> SO, HE PUT YOUR HANDON THE JOYSTICK?

>> HE DID PUT MY HAND ON THEJOYSTICK BUT IT WAS CONSENSUAL

AND I HADN'T HAD TOOMANY, I'D HAD A FEW, I HAD LIKE

AN AMBIEN OR SOMETHING LIKE THATON THE PLANE, BUT

I WAS STILL, I WAS WITH IT, YOUKNOW.

>> NO, NO, NO. I GET IT. I GETIT.

>> I WAS WITH IT, I JUSTWASN'T AWARE OF IT.

SO YEAH I WAS HOLDING -->> ARE THEY DIFFICULT TO

FLY?

DID IT SEEM LIKE AN EASYTHING TO DO?

DID YOU THINK TO YOURSELF OH,THIS PILOT IS INSANE?

>> I DID THINK THE PILOT WASINSANE BUT I THOUGHT, I LIKE

THAT KIND OF CRAZY. SO, I WASHOLDING THE

JOYSTICK AND I THOUGHT THIS ISDOABLE.

THIS IS FINE AND THEN THESLIGHTEST MOVEMENT-- SO I

TOOK MY HANDS OFF IT.

HE [BLEEP] AND HE TOOKBACK-- BUT TWO DAYS LATER

FLYING OUT OF SAO PAOLO WEGOT THE SAME HELICOPTER

PILOT AND FOR WHATEVER REASON,HE'S A VERY BRAZE MAN,

HE LET ME DO IT AGAIN.

>> Jon: HERE'S MY FAVORITEPART OF THE STORY, THAT WHEN

YOU [BLEEP] IT UP, HE EXPRESSEDSURPRISE.

LIKE, OH! I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS ACTOR IHAVE NEVER MET DOESN'T KNOW

HOW TO FLY A HELICOPTER.>> THIS PROFESSIONAL PRETENDER

>> THIS PROFESSIONAL PRETENDER.>> A PROFESISONAL LIAR --

>> HE'S AN X-MEN AND I LET HIMFLY A HELICOPTER.

APPARENTLY DOESN'T DO ITVERY WELL.

>> I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT,MAN. THIS IS THE ONE I'VE BEEN

WAITING FOR, I LIKE THEM ALL,BUT THIS IS THE ONE I HAVE BEEN

LOOKING FORWARD TO.>> THANK YOU.

>> X-MEN DAYS OF FUTURE PASTIT'S IN THE THEATRES ON FRIDAY,

IT'S JAMES MCAVOY.>> THANKS MAN.

>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW,

HERE IT IS, YOUR MOMENT OFZEN.

>> BUYING THOSE EVIL SPIRITSTHAT'RE BEHIND THE FEDS, WITH

THE BLOOD OF JESUS, THE NAME OFJESUS, THE POWER

OF IN-TUNE-MENT WITHTHE HOLY SPIRIT.

TAKE AIR SUPERIORITY ANDTHEN ROLL IN WITH YOUR TANKS

ON THE GROUND LIKE -- >> MR. BROWN --

>> BLITZKRIEG --

>> MR. BROWN, MR. BROWN. THEQUESTION WAS ABOUT TAXES.

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