September 9, 2010 - Meghan McCain

  • Episode: 15113
  • (0)

Wyatt Cenac looks for the next Supreme Court justice on Staten Island, and Meghan McCain angers PETA.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW, YOU WE HEAR A LOT OF

STORIES ABOUT DISCRIMINATION IN

THIS COUNTRY BUT NONMORE PAINFUL

THAN THE ONE WYATT CENAC FOUND

RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN BACKYARD.

>> WITH ELENA KAGAN'S RECENT

CONFIRMATION THE HIGHEST COURT

IN THE LAND IS LACKING JUST ONE

THING.

>> ONLY THE BORROW OF STAT --

BOROUG OF STATTEN ISLAND HAS

FAILED TO PRODUCE A SUPREME

COURT JUSTICE.

>> PRESIDENT AFTER PRESIDENT

CONTINUE TO OVERLOOK STATTEN

ISLAND.

HERE IS STATE ASSEMBLYMAN.

>> WE GET PHEUFD WE'RE DISCOUNT.

WE HAPPEN TO HAVE A LOT OF GREAT

THINGS GOING ON HERE.

>> TALK TO ME ABOUT SOME OF

THOSE GREAT THINGS.

[LAUGHTER]

>> STATTEN ISLAND IS AN --

STATEN ISLAND IS IMMENSELY

DIVERSE.

IT'S THOUGHT BEING EXCLUSIVELY

ITALIAN AMERICAN, BUT WE ALSO

THE LARGEST LIBERIAN POPULATION

OUTSIDE OF LIBERIA.

>> NO OFFENSE BUT IT'S LIBERIA.

>> WELL PEOPLE FROM WAR TORN

COUNTRIES PREFER TO BE HERE THAN

ON LIBERIA.

>> IT'S LIKE SAYING DO YOU WANT

TO GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE OR

THE BALLS?

THERE'S NO REASON I COULDN'T

FIND THE NEXT SUPREME COURT

JUSTICE HERE.

I NEEDED TO FOLLOW A SIMPLE

BLUEPRINT.

>> AN INDEPENDENT MIND, A RECORD

OF EXCELLENCE AND INTEGRITY, A

FIERCE DEDICATION TO THE RULE OF

LAW.

>> I SCOURED THE BOROUGH.

>> WE NEED THEM AS HARD ASSED AS

THEY CAN.

>> YOU ARE A CONSTRUCTIONIST

WHEN IT COMES TO THE

CONSTITUTION.

>> I WOULDN'T USE THAT DID.

>> A HARD ASS WHEN IT COMES TO

THE CONSTITUTION.

>> ALL RIGHT A HARD ASS.

>> AN OBJECTIVE JUSTICE SHOULD

HAVE THE WISDOM OF HOLMES OR THE

INTANGIBLES OF PARTY DEEJAY

CHARLIE B.

>> YOU NEED CREDIBILITY BEFORE

YOU CAN GIVE A JUDGMENT.

I'VE BEEN THROUGH (bleep).

>> THE JUDGE NEEDS PROPER

TRAINING TO RULE EFFECTIVELY.

>> IT SEEMS LIKE JUDGING PEOPLE

A PART OF YOUR JUDGE.

>> WHEN YOU ARE WORKING IN A BAR

YOU HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON

EVERYBODY.

WHO HAS HAD A FEW TOO MANY, WHO

IS RUBBING UP ON THE CHICKS.

>> YOU DON'T WANT (bleep).

>> RIGHT.

>> I BELIEVE JUSTICE ALITO SAID

THE SAME THINGS IN THE CASE OF

CITIZENS UNITED VERSUS THE FCC.

(bleep).

>> (bleep).

>> THE CANDIDATES HAD A LOT OF

PROMISE BUT HOW WOULD THEY DO IN

REAL WORKING CONDITIONS.

WE PUT THEM TO THE TEST IN MOOK

COURT, I MEAN MOOT COURT.

AND NOW CALIFORNIA'S PROPOSITION

8 OUTLAWING GAY MARRIAGE.

THE CASE IS IN PROGRESS.

WE LEARNED THEY WERE OUTLAWED

WITH LOVING VERSUS VIRGINIA IN

1967.

THE SAME LAWS AND RULES APPLY

TODAY YOUR HONOR.

THEN THEY HEARD FROM THE

DEFENSE.

>> THANK YOU, MR. CHIEF JUSTICE,

MAY IT PLEASE THE COURT,

MARRIAGE IS FUNDAMENTAL TO THE

EXISTENCE AND SURVIVAL --

>> WHERE DID YOU GET THIS ACCENT

FROM?

>> THIS IS THE ACCURATE WAY THAT

WORDS SHOULD SOUND.

>> YOU ARE TELLING ME HOW

SOMETHING SHOULD SOUND.

[LAUGHTER]

>> TRY TO FIND MY ACTIONS LESS

AAPHAOUGZ AND MORE

AAUTHORITATIVE.

BASICALLY WHAT I'M SAYING TO THE

COURT IS THAT IT MUST STAND AND

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE MUST NOT BE

LEGALIZED.

I THANK THE COURT.

>> OUR CAMERAS WERE GIVEN AN

UNPRECEDENTED GLIMPSE INTO THE

NORMALLY CLOSED JUDGE'S CHAMBER.

>> LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION:

IF YOUR BROTHER WAS GAY AND HE

ASKED YOU TO BE HIS BEST MAN,

WHAT YOU WOULD YOU SAY?

>> NO.

>> I BELIEVE YOU.

>> I WOULD KICK HIM IN THE ASS,

TOO.

>> ENOUGH SAID.

>> THERE WERE HOURS OF

THOUGHTFUL DISCUSSION.

>> THIS PIZZA HAS NO PEPPERONI.

WHERE IS THE PROTEIN CONTENT.

>> WHY DON'T WE KEEP IT LIKE THE

ARMED SERVICES LIKE NO TELL NO

SEE.

DON'T ASK DON'T TELL.

>> THERE YOU GO.

>> IF YOU WERE BLACK AND YOU

WANTED TO MARRY A WHITE YOU

CAN'T.

>> I DON'T THINK A WHITE IS THE

POLITCALLY CORRECT TERM.

>> WHEN THE FOREFATHERS WROTE

THE CONSTITUTION DO YOU THINK

THEY KNEW ABOUT THE INTERNET?

WE HAVE TO KEEP IT MOVING MAN.

>> FINALLY IT WAS TIME HEAR

THEIR RULINGS.

>> LET'S GO, UP.

A COURT HAS REACHED THE

DECISION.

THE DUDE WANTS TO MARRY A DUDE.

THAT'S COOL.

TWO CHICKS WANT TO GET IT ON.

THAT'S GREAT.

WE RULED 5-4 THAT PROPOSITION 8

IS SUBSTANTIALLY

UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

>> COME ON, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

>> OH, OH, SHUTUP!

>> WHOA, WHERE DID THAT COME

FROM?

>> FROM HIS MOUTH, JERKOFF.

[LAUGHTER]

>> PERHAPS THE NEXT JUSTICE IS

HERE.

>> YOU ARE LIBERAL ACTIVISTS

GOVERNING FROM THE BENCH.

>> RIGHT HERE.

>> COURT'S ADJOURNED.

>> REST ASSURED AGING JUSTICES

IF YOU DECIDE TO RETIRE.

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