September 9, 2010 - Meghan McCain

  • Episode: 15113
  • (0)

Wyatt Cenac looks for the next Supreme Court justice on Staten Island, and Meghan McCain angers PETA.

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW".

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

TONIGHT'S PROGRAM HANDCRAFTED

LOVINGLY USING ONLY THE FINEST

HOPS AND PUREST SPRING WATER.

[LAUGHTER]

MY GUEST TONIGHT POLITICAL

PUNDIT MEGAN McCAIN, DAUGHTER

OF THE SENATOR OF THE SAME NAME,

MEGAN McCAIN.

[LAUGHTER]

VERY FEW PEOPLE KNOW THAT ABOUT

THE SENATOR.

IF THE PATTERN HOLDS TRUE WITH

THE FAMILY, SHELL RETURN TO THIS

PROGRAM 12 MORE TIMES AND THEN

NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT SPEAKING OF POLITICS, BY THE

WAY, HIT ME!

♪ ARE YOU READY FOR SOME MID

TERMS ♪

>> Jon: WOW, WORST HANK

WILLIAMS IMPRESSION EVER.

MID TERMS ARE UPON US ONCE MORE.

BEFORE WE DISCUSS THE MID TERM

ELECTIONS I WANTED TO REMIND YOU

GUYS THIS PERSON, THE IDEALISTIC

YOUNG POLITICIAN WITH BIG DREAMS

OF HOW THE WORLD WORKED.

THERE IS NOT A LIBERAL AMERICA

AND A CONSERVATIVE AMERICA.

THERE'S THE UNITED STATES OF

AMERICA.

>> WE'RE GOING TO DO EVERYTHING

THAT WE CAN TO WORK WITH ALL OF

YOU, DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS.

STEP BACK FOR A MOMENT, REMIND

OURSELVES THAT WE HAVE THINGS IN

COMMON, FAMILY, FRIENDS,

LAUGHTER.

>> Jon: AH -- PERISTALSIS.

WE'RE ALL ASTOUND BY FIRE,

WATER, AIR AND DIRT (bleep)

MAGNETS HOW THEY WORK.

REALLY?

INSANE CLOWN POSSE FANS, ALL

RIGHT.

THAT NICE YOUNG MAN WENT ON TO

BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

STATES AND FINALLY HAD AN

OPPORTUNITY TO BRIDGE THE DEEP

PARTISAN DIVIDE THAT PARALYZED

OUR NATION'S GOVERNMENT.

HOW DID THAT GO FOR HIM?

>> THE EASIEST THING FOR THE

OTHER SIDE TO DO IS TO RIDE THIS

FEAR AND ANGER ALL THE WAY TO

ELECTION DAY.

MOST OF THE REPUBLICANS IN

CONGRESS HAVE SAID NO JUST ABOUT

EVERY POLICY I HAVE PROPOSED

SINCE TAKING OFFICE.

NO TO INFRASTRUCTURE.

THERE WERE NO NEW POLL AT POLICIES

FOR BEFORE BANER IN NEW YORK NEW

IDEAS.

POLITICS PURE AND SIMPLE.

I FAIL, THEY WIN.

>> Jon: THAT MAY BE AS CLOSE

AS ANY PRESIDENT IN THE UNITED

STATES HAS EVER COME TO SAYING

(bleep) ALL Y'ALL.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT HEY, HEY -- BUT WAIT -- AT

LEAST WE ALL STILL HAVE

LAUGHTER.

[LAUGHTER]

AS IF OH, MY GOD REMEMBER THAT

GUY THAT WE BELIEVED WE WOULD

WORK WITH HIM.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA.

THE PRESIDENT MAKING HIS CASE

YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS

BECAUSE, A, THAT WILL KEEP THAT

SWEET, SWEET STIMULUS COMING,

AND B, IT TURNS OUT THE

REPUBLICANS ARE KIND OF

(bleep) TO DEAL WITH.

CLEARLY THIS MAN IS IN MID

SEASON, MID TERM ELECTION FORM.

OF COURSE, HE IS JUST ONE MAN IN

A GYMNASIUM IN OHIO.

IT'S WHAT WE'RE TOLD HE SAYS.

WOULD THE CABLE NETWORKS SHAKE

OFF THEIR SUMMER OF KILLER

MOSQUE COBWEBS AND DIVE IN.

FOX?

>> A SPEECH TODAY LIKE THE

POLICIES HE IS ADVOCATING LOOK

LIKE DESPERATION.

>> BOTTOM LINE THIS WAS THE

PRESIDENT IN CAMPAIGN MODE.

>> HE BLAMED BUSH.

HE BLAMED THE G.O.P.

HE BLAMED BANER IN.

>> CLASS WARFARE IS BACK.

>> IT WASN'T WHAT, I THINK, OHIO

WANTED.

IS THE PRESIDENT'S MESSAGE TOO

LITTLE TOO LATE?

>> I THINK IT WAS TOO MUCH TOO

EARLY.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW BRAVO, BRAVO.

YOU HAD ME AT HE SUCKS.

[LAUGHTER]

CLEARLY MSNBC IS GOING TO HAVE

THEIR WORK CUT OUT FOR THEM.

>> LET'S START WITH THE

PRESIDENT'S SPEECH IN OHIO

TODAY.

WHAT A HUMDINGER IT WAS.

>> HE LOOKED, TO USE HIS PHRASE,

FIRED UP.

>> HIS RHETORIC IS COMPELLING.

>> HE GOT HIS VOICE BACK.

>> SPEAKING WITH PASSION AND

EMPATHY.

>> THIS IS THE BEST SPEECH WE'VE

GOTTEN FROM HIM SINCE HE HAS

BEEN IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

>> Jon: DARLING IT WAS

FANTASTIC.

ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC.

I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE WHAT JAMIE

LEE CURTIS AND THE LEAD SINGER

OF RIGHT SAID FRED BLOG ABOUT IT

ON MY WEB SITE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HERE WITH

YOU.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ACCENT THAT

WAS.

[LAUGHTER]

PRAISE TO BE EXPECTED FROM THE

LIBERAL COUNTER WEIGHT.

>> BUT,.

>> BUT --

>> BUT --

>> BUT --

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: BUT?

>> BUT AS YOU KNOW ONE SPEECH

DOES NOT CHANGE THE NARRATIVE.

>> THE FACT THAT THERE'S A GAP

BETWEEN WHAT THE PRESIDENT SAYS

AND DOES, THAT'S A HUGE RISK FOR

HIM.

>> Jon: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[LAUGHTER]

DID YOU KNOW NOTHING OF YOUR

OBLIGATION TO SHAPE THE NEWS

TOWARDS YOUR DESIRED ELECTORAL

GOAL?

THERE'S NO BUT IN JOURNALISM.

HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING FROM

FOX YOU? PICK THE NARRATIVE AND

STICK WITH IT.

IF THE NEWS DOESN'T FIT YOUR

NARRATIVE, CHANGE YOUR (bleep)

NEWS.

FOR GOD'S SAKE.

PEOPLE!

YOU DON'T CHANGE YOUR NARRATIVE.

WATCH HOW THE MASTERS DO IT.

>> THE PRESIDENT DID HAVE A RARE

MOMENT OF HONESTY DURING HIS

SPEECH AND I HOPE VOTERS AROUND

THE COUNTRY ARE WATCHING THIS.

>> TAXES ARE SCHEDULED TO GO UP

SUBSTANTIALLY NEXT YEAR FOR

EVERYBODY.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

I KNOW THE ANOINTED ONE WILL

MAKE SURE THAT THAT HAPPENS.

>> Jon: I CAN'T BELIEVE THE

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

WOULD BLURT OUT EVERYBODY'S

TAXES ARE GOING TO GO UP

SUBSTANTIALLY PROBABLY BECAUSE

HE WOULDN'T DO THAT.

HERE IS THE SLIGHTLY LESS

ABRIDGED VERSION.

>> UNDER THE TAX PLAN PASSED BY

THE LAST ADMINISTRATION, TAXES

ARE SCHEDULED TO GO UP

SUBSTANTIALLY NEXT YEAR FOR

EVERYBODY.

BY THE WAY, THIS WAS BY DESIGN.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: SEE?

MSNBC, AMATEURS, STARTING CLIPS

LATER AND CUTTING THEM OFF

BEFORE THE SPEAKER FINISHED THE

THOUGHTS FULL CONSTRUCTION CAN

BE A USEFUL TOOL IN HELPING YOUR

AUDIENCE UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU

WANT THEM TO THINK.

IT'S A FUN AND EASY WAY TO MAKE

PEOPLE YOU DISAGREE WITH SAY

THINGS THAT MAKE THEM

UNELECTABLE.

NOT THAT THE REPUBLICANS NEED

ANY HELP MAKING THEMSELVES

UNELECTABLE.

THIS IS JOHN BOEHNER ANNOUNCING

THE JOB PLAN IN A MOMENT OF

TKAPBDOR.

>> WE'RE GOING TO SHIP MILLIONS

OF JOBS OVERSEAS.

>> Jon: WHAT?

[LAUGHTER]

WHY WOULD YOU -- WHY WOULD YOU

DO THAT?

YOU MUST REALLY HATE THE WORKING

MAN.

I BET IF WE PLAY THAT OUT IT

WOULD END WITH BANER IN THROW --

BOEHNER THROWING MONKEY POOP.

IT'S A SHAME WE DON'T HAVE TIME

TO LOOK AT THE FULL CLIP.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S DIFFICULT TO WATCH COVERAGE

ON HYPERPARTISAN NETWORKS.

LET'S SEE WHAT CNN'S RESPONSE

WAS.

>> MOMENTS AGO THE REPUBLICAN

ARE NOT LEADER JOHN BOEHNER SENT

ME A TWEET -- THE SENATE

MINORITY LEADER JOHN BOEHNER

SENT ME A TWEET PERSONALLY.

>> Jon: YOU ARE A NEWS MAN,

NOT A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL WHO WON A

MEET JUSTIN BEIBER CONTEST.

>> HE SENT IT TO US.

>> Jon: PERHAPS I COULD HAVE

MY AUDIENCE SEND SOME RICK

SANCHEZ TWEETS CARE OF SEND A

TWIT A TWEET.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

RICK, I'M KIDDING OBVIOUSLY YOU

ARE NOT A TOTAL MEATHEAD.

>> BY THE WAY, I SAID THE

PRESIDENT WAS IN COLUMBUS.

HE'S CLOSER TO CLEVELAND TODAY.

I'M THINKING COLUMBUS BECAUSE

I'M FIRED UP ABOUT THE MIAMI

OHIO STATE GAME THIS WEEKEND.

>> Jon: LIKE FOOTBALL.

FOOTBALL ALWAYS ON SANCHEZ MIND.

SANCHEZ YE

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW, YOU WE HEAR A LOT OF

STORIES ABOUT DISCRIMINATION IN

THIS COUNTRY BUT NONMORE PAINFUL

THAN THE ONE WYATT CENAC FOUND

RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN BACKYARD.

>> WITH ELENA KAGAN'S RECENT

CONFIRMATION THE HIGHEST COURT

IN THE LAND IS LACKING JUST ONE

THING.

>> ONLY THE BORROW OF STAT --

BOROUG OF STATTEN ISLAND HAS

FAILED TO PRODUCE A SUPREME

COURT JUSTICE.

>> PRESIDENT AFTER PRESIDENT

CONTINUE TO OVERLOOK STATTEN

ISLAND.

HERE IS STATE ASSEMBLYMAN.

>> WE GET PHEUFD WE'RE DISCOUNT.

WE HAPPEN TO HAVE A LOT OF GREAT

THINGS GOING ON HERE.

>> TALK TO ME ABOUT SOME OF

THOSE GREAT THINGS.

[LAUGHTER]

>> STATTEN ISLAND IS AN --

STATEN ISLAND IS IMMENSELY

DIVERSE.

IT'S THOUGHT BEING EXCLUSIVELY

ITALIAN AMERICAN, BUT WE ALSO

THE LARGEST LIBERIAN POPULATION

OUTSIDE OF LIBERIA.

>> NO OFFENSE BUT IT'S LIBERIA.

>> WELL PEOPLE FROM WAR TORN

COUNTRIES PREFER TO BE HERE THAN

ON LIBERIA.

>> IT'S LIKE SAYING DO YOU WANT

TO GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE OR

THE BALLS?

THERE'S NO REASON I COULDN'T

FIND THE NEXT SUPREME COURT

JUSTICE HERE.

I NEEDED TO FOLLOW A SIMPLE

BLUEPRINT.

>> AN INDEPENDENT MIND, A RECORD

OF EXCELLENCE AND INTEGRITY, A

FIERCE DEDICATION TO THE RULE OF

LAW.

>> I SCOURED THE BOROUGH.

>> WE NEED THEM AS HARD ASSED AS

THEY CAN.

>> YOU ARE A CONSTRUCTIONIST

WHEN IT COMES TO THE

CONSTITUTION.

>> I WOULDN'T USE THAT DID.

>> A HARD ASS WHEN IT COMES TO

THE CONSTITUTION.

>> ALL RIGHT A HARD ASS.

>> AN OBJECTIVE JUSTICE SHOULD

HAVE THE WISDOM OF HOLMES OR THE

INTANGIBLES OF PARTY DEEJAY

CHARLIE B.

>> YOU NEED CREDIBILITY BEFORE

YOU CAN GIVE A JUDGMENT.

I'VE BEEN THROUGH (bleep).

>> THE JUDGE NEEDS PROPER

TRAINING TO RULE EFFECTIVELY.

>> IT SEEMS LIKE JUDGING PEOPLE

A PART OF YOUR JUDGE.

>> WHEN YOU ARE WORKING IN A BAR

YOU HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON

EVERYBODY.

WHO HAS HAD A FEW TOO MANY, WHO

IS RUBBING UP ON THE CHICKS.

>> YOU DON'T WANT (bleep).

>> RIGHT.

>> I BELIEVE JUSTICE ALITO SAID

THE SAME THINGS IN THE CASE OF

CITIZENS UNITED VERSUS THE FCC.

(bleep).

>> (bleep).

>> THE CANDIDATES HAD A LOT OF

PROMISE BUT HOW WOULD THEY DO IN

REAL WORKING CONDITIONS.

WE PUT THEM TO THE TEST IN MOOK

COURT, I MEAN MOOT COURT.

AND NOW CALIFORNIA'S PROPOSITION

8 OUTLAWING GAY MARRIAGE.

THE CASE IS IN PROGRESS.

WE LEARNED THEY WERE OUTLAWED

WITH LOVING VERSUS VIRGINIA IN

1967.

THE SAME LAWS AND RULES APPLY

TODAY YOUR HONOR.

THEN THEY HEARD FROM THE

DEFENSE.

>> THANK YOU, MR. CHIEF JUSTICE,

MAY IT PLEASE THE COURT,

MARRIAGE IS FUNDAMENTAL TO THE

EXISTENCE AND SURVIVAL --

>> WHERE DID YOU GET THIS ACCENT

FROM?

>> THIS IS THE ACCURATE WAY THAT

WORDS SHOULD SOUND.

>> YOU ARE TELLING ME HOW

SOMETHING SHOULD SOUND.

[LAUGHTER]

>> TRY TO FIND MY ACTIONS LESS

AAPHAOUGZ AND MORE

AAUTHORITATIVE.

BASICALLY WHAT I'M SAYING TO THE

COURT IS THAT IT MUST STAND AND

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE MUST NOT BE

LEGALIZED.

I THANK THE COURT.

>> OUR CAMERAS WERE GIVEN AN

UNPRECEDENTED GLIMPSE INTO THE

NORMALLY CLOSED JUDGE'S CHAMBER.

>> LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION:

IF YOUR BROTHER WAS GAY AND HE

ASKED YOU TO BE HIS BEST MAN,

WHAT YOU WOULD YOU SAY?

>> NO.

>> I BELIEVE YOU.

>> I WOULD KICK HIM IN THE ASS,

TOO.

>> ENOUGH SAID.

>> THERE WERE HOURS OF

THOUGHTFUL DISCUSSION.

>> THIS PIZZA HAS NO PEPPERONI.

WHERE IS THE PROTEIN CONTENT.

>> WHY DON'T WE KEEP IT LIKE THE

ARMED SERVICES LIKE NO TELL NO

SEE.

DON'T ASK DON'T TELL.

>> THERE YOU GO.

>> IF YOU WERE BLACK AND YOU

WANTED TO MARRY A WHITE YOU

CAN'T.

>> I DON'T THINK A WHITE IS THE

POLITCALLY CORRECT TERM.

>> WHEN THE FOREFATHERS WROTE

THE CONSTITUTION DO YOU THINK

THEY KNEW ABOUT THE INTERNET?

WE HAVE TO KEEP IT MOVING MAN.

>> FINALLY IT WAS TIME HEAR

THEIR RULINGS.

>> LET'S GO, UP.

A COURT HAS REACHED THE

DECISION.

THE DUDE WANTS TO MARRY A DUDE.

THAT'S COOL.

TWO CHICKS WANT TO GET IT ON.

THAT'S GREAT.

WE RULED 5-4 THAT PROPOSITION 8

IS SUBSTANTIALLY

UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

>> COME ON, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

>> OH, OH, SHUTUP!

>> WHOA, WHERE DID THAT COME

FROM?

>> FROM HIS MOUTH, JERKOFF.

[LAUGHTER]

>> PERHAPS THE NEXT JUSTICE IS

HERE.

>> YOU ARE LIBERAL ACTIVISTS

GOVERNING FROM THE BENCH.

>> RIGHT HERE.

>> COURT'S ADJOURNED.

>> REST ASSURED AGING JUSTICES

IF YOU DECIDE TO RETIRE.

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