May 22, 2014 - Drew Barrymore

  • Episode: 19110
  • (0)

America upholds a long tradition of mistreating its veterans, Jason Jones attempts to interview India's new prime minister, and Drew Barrymore talks about filming "Blended."

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME TO "THEDAILY SHOW"!

MY NAME IS ON STEWART! MY GUESTTONIGHT, WE' HAVE A GOOD ONE

FOR YOU, DREW BARRYMORE IS GONNABE JOINING US.

BUT LET'S BEGIN TONIGHT IN HONOROF FLEET WEEK, WE BEGIN

WITH THE DEPARTMENTOF VETERANS AFFAIRS

AND THE SEEMINGLY UNENDINGPROBLEMS IT IS PROVIDING

TIMELY MEDICAL CAREWITH SOME HOSPITALS GOING SO FAR

AS TO ACTIVELY COVER UP THISPROBLEM.

A SITUATION I THINK BEST SUMMEDUP THUSLY --

>> (BLEEP)!

>> Jon: THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.ALL RIGHT, BY THE WAY,

NO ONE IS MORE UPSETABOUT THIS THAN THE LIONS

OF THE REPUBLICANSENATE.

>> THE V.A. ISSUE IS A NATIONALEMBARRASSMENT AND THE

PRESIDENT'S RESPONSE TO IT IS ANEMAPARTMENT.

>> "TAKING CARE OF OUR VETERANSAND THEIR FAMILIES HAS BEEN ONE

OF THE CAUSES OF MY PRESIDENCY."WELL THEN YOU FAILED.

HE NEEDS TO TREAT THESESTORIES AT LEAST AS SERIOUSLY AS

HE DID THE OBAMACARE WEB SITEFIASCO.

>> Jon: OH, HE TAKES THE V.A.,HE TURNS IT INTO OBAMACARE,

IF HE GRABS BENGHAZI, THETRIFECTA!

YES, THESE REPUBLICAN SENATORSHAVE ALWAYS STOOD UP FOR OUR

VETERANS!

WHEN THEY THINK IT CAN HELP THEMSLAM THE PRESIDENT.

IT'S SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT WHENTHEY THINK NO ONE IS WATCHING.

>> A BILL THAT WOULD HAVEEXTENDED HEALTHCARE AND

EDUCATION FOR VETERANS GETTINGREJECTED IN THE SENATE, A

LACK OF SUPPORT FROM REPUBLICANSDOOMED THIS BILL.

>> Jon: WHAT? YOUMIGHT EVEN SAY THE LACK OF

SUPPORT OF THIS BILLFROM REPUBLICANS IS A

NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT. THATGETS EMBARRASSMENT-IER.

>> SENATE REPUBLICAN LEADERMITCH MCCONNELL TRIED TO ADD AN

UNRELATED POISON PILL AMENDMENTTO THAT VETERANS BILL THAT WOULD

IMPOSE NEW SANCTIONS ON IRAN.

>> Jon: I'LL JUST SLIP THIS --THIS POISON PILL IN THERE...

(LAUGHTER)IF ANYONE SAW IT, SURE WOULD

SEEM HYPOCRITICAL...

(LAUGHTER)THEN I'LL REWARD MYSELF WITH

A -- A CABBAGE LEAF.

(LAUGHTER)BUT, OF COURSE!

AS THE PRESIDENT'S CRITICSRIGHTLY POINTED OUT, PRESIDENT

OBAMA KNEW ABOUT THE V.A.

BACKLOG PROBLEMS BEFORE HE WASEVEN PRESIDENT OBAMA.

>> THIS MEMO PREPARED FORPRESIDENT ELECT OBAMA'S

TRANSITION TEAM BY THE GEORGE W.

BUSH ADMINISTRATION OUTLINED THEDIFFICULTIES VETERANS FACED IN

OBTAINING TIMELY HEALTHCARE.

>> Jon: PROVES TWO THINGS --ONE THIS, PRESIDENT HASN'T DONE

ENOUGH TO END THIS BACKLOG AND,TWO, THE PREVIOUS PRESIDENT

HADN'T DONE ENOUGH TO END THEBACKLOG!

>>SO THE PROBLEMS EXISTED ONTHE DAY PRESIDENT BUSH LEFTOFFICE.

>> NO, NO, NO. NO. NO. NO ITDIDN'T. NO, NO, NO.

BY IMPROVING SYSTEMS, IT GOTDOWN TO AN AVERAGE OF ABOUT 161

DAYS BY THE TIME THAT BUSH LEFTOFFICE.

BY 2012, IT WAS BACK UP ABOVETHE 230 THAT WE INHERITED WHEN

WE CAME INTO OFFICE TO 260.

>> Jon: YEAH YOU GET THAT? EIGHTYEARS IN OFFICE AND HE'S

BRAGGING BECAUSE HE GOT THEVETERANS AVERAGE WAIT

DOWN TO FIVE OR SIX MONTHS,WHILE SOMEWHAT FORGETTING THAT A

GOOD REASON IT JUMPED BACK UP TOSEVEN OR EIGHT MONTHS

WAS THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION'SDOING AS WELL.

SO, I GUESS ROVE IS SAYING THEBUSH ERA V.A. WARNED THE

OBAMA TEAM NOT TO UNSOLVE THEPROBLEM THE BUSH

ADMINISTRATION HADN'T SOLVEDEITHER.

THAT'S SO DISINGENUOUS EVEN BILL"BEYONCE-HUNTER" O'REILLY

CALLS BULL (BLEEP).

>> THE V.A. ITSELF MADE A REPORTTO THE INCOMING OBAMA PEOPLE.

>> NO, NO, NO. FIRST OF ALL, ITIS NOT A V.A. REPORT.

IT IS A REPORT FROM PEOPLEASSIGNED BY THE OBAMA CAMPAIGN

TO THEIR TRANSITION PLANNING.

THESE WERE PROBABLY DEMOCRATS INWASHINGTON.

>> YOU'RE WRONG.

THIS COMES FROM --

>> NO, NO HERE LET ME DESCRIBEWHAT IT IS. NO, NO, NO, LET ME

DESCRIBE WHAT THEPROBLEM WAS, BILL.

YOU ARE CONFLATING AGAIN.

>> I HAVE TO GO ON THE RECORD,MR. ROVE.

MR. ROVE, I HAVE TO GO ON THERECORD.

>> I KNOW, BUT LET ME FINISH,BILL.

>> NOPE.

>> SEE, THIS IS WHY I LIKEO'REILLY.

HE'S LIKE FOX NEWS' INCREDIBLEHULK.

SURE, HE'S USUALLY JUST AMINDLESSLY AGGRESSIVE FORCE OF

DESTRUCTION.

BUT POINTED IN THE RIGHTDIRECTION, HE BECOMES A HERO.

BUT LET'S BE CLEAR --AS TRADITIONS GO, MISTREATING

OUR VETERANS IS A FULLYBIPARTISAN ENDEAVOR.

AS WE'LL SOON FIND OUT AS WETAKE A JAUNT DOWN

"TERRIBLE MEMORY LANE."

WHAT'S UP, MAN!

WHAT'S UP?

THE 1980s!

GIRLS JUST WANTED TO HAVE FUN!

AND REAGAN JUST WANTED TO HAVEGORBACHEV TEAR DOWN THAT WALL!

WHILE MEANWHILE THE V.A. WASTELLING THEIR RESEARCHERS TO

UNDERREPORT THE NUMBER OF V.A.

HOSPITALS WITH AN INORDINATELYHIGH MORTALITY RATE.

AND AMERICA FELL IN LOVE WITH AFAMILY CALLED THE SIMPSONS.

NOT FAR ENOUGH BACK?

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT'S UP, MAN?

IN THE 1960'S,

THE BEATLES EXPERIMENTED WITH"THE WHITE ALBUM,"

WHILE IN VIETNAM THE MILITARYWAS EXPERIMENTING WITH A

"DIFFERENT" COLOR.

AGENT "ORANGE."

DON'T WORRY, TROOPS, THIS GROOVYHERBICIDE WON'T CAUSE YOU ANY

HARM.

UNLESS YOU CONSIDER CANCER ANDNERVOUS SYSTEM DAMAGE HARM.

WHOAH,

I JUST HAD A VISION, THAT 20YEARS FROM NOW

THE REAGAN ADMINISTRATION ISGONNA DENY FEDERAL LIABILITY IN

AGENT ORANGE CONTAMINATION, ANDSUPPRESS EVIDENCE OF HARM TO

VIETNAM VETERANS.A SITUATION THAT WON'T BE

RECTIFIED FOR ANOTHER 20YEARS AFTER THAT

-- MAN!

NOT FAR ENOUGH?

ALL RIGHT. HOW ABOUT THIS?

THE YEAR WAS 1932!

AND WHILE MOST OF AMERICA WASBEING SERVED DELICIOUS SOUP,

10,000 WORLD WAR I VETERANSMARCHED ON WASHINGTON TO GET

THE WAR BONUSES THEY'D BEENPROMISED 15 YEARS AGO

SAID THE U.S. GOVERNMENT,"WOULD YOU ACCEPT THAT BONUS

IN THE FORM OF TEAR GASAND AN ESCORT OF TANKS?"

>> CONGRESSMEN LEFT THROUGH BACKDOORS AND UNDERGROUND TUNNELS TO

AVOID CONFRONTATIONS.

>> I KNOW WHO'S MADE THISCOUNTRY WORTH LIVING IN.

IT'S JUST YOU FELLAS.

LOOK, IT MAKES ME SO DAMNMAD, A WHOLE LOTTA PEOPLE

SPEAK OF YOU AS TRAMPS, BY GODTHEY DIDN'T SPEAK OF YOU AS

TRAMPS IN 1917 AND 18, NO!"(CHEERS)]

>> I'M WITH YOU, RETIRED GENERALBUTLER

IT MAKES ME SO STEAMED, WHY I'VEGOT A SWEAR JAR RIGHT HERE THAT,

HOLD ON, HOLD ON THERE! HOLD ON.

DON'T DO IT YET! HERE WE GO.

(BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP).

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

BY THE WAY, OH, BY THE WAY,LET'S LOSE ALL THIS.

I WISH BREAKING PROMISESTO VETERANS WAS A

20th CENTURY INNOVATION, BUTSINCE WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO WALK

THROUGH ALL THE WAYSTHEY GOT SCREWED IN

THE 19th CENTURY, LET'S JUSTJUMP BACK TO THE FIRST WAR.

THE NUMBER ONE, THE NUMBERONE SONG WAS -- THAT ONE WITH

THE FLUTE, AND EVERYONE IN THECOUNTRY WAS WATCHING THAT HIT

SHOW -- GOING TO SLEEP BECAUSETHE SUN WENT DOWN.

BUT A LACK OF A CONSTITUTIONDIDN'T MEAN WE THE PEOPLE

COULDN'T STILL SCREW THE THEVETERANS. WHICH IS WHY

IN 1783, A FEW DISGRUNTLEDFORMER REVOLUTIONARY FIGHTERS

TOOK CONGRESS HOSTAGETO TRY TO GET THE MONEY

THEY WERE PROMISED. THEY WERESENTENCED TO DEATH.

WORRY NOT, THE SENTENCES WERECOMMUTED!

BECAUSE WE LOVE OUR VETERANS.

SO, LET'S PRETEND THAT THISCURRENT V.A.

CRISIS IS AN ANOMALY CREATED BYONE UNUSUALLY CALLOUS AND

INEFFECTIVE PRESIDENT.

BUT THAT WOULD BE JUST PRETEND.

OR ON THIS MEMORIAL DAY WEEKENDEVE WE CAN FINALLY ADMIT

THAT AMERICA HAS HAD FOR OVER200 YEARS A GREAT BIPARTISAN

TRADITION OF HONORING THOSE WHOHAVE FOUGHT FOR OUR FREEDOM

BY (BLEEP) THEM OVER ONCETHEY GIVE THEIR GUNS BACK.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME BACK TOTHE SHOW!

LAST WEEK, WHAT'S HIS NAME,THERE --

LAST WEEK, INDIA ELECTED A NEWPRIME MINISTER, NARENDRA MODI.

TONIGHT, JASON JONES FILES HISFINAL REPORT FROM INDIA,

EXAMINING THIS NEW LEADER.

♪♪>> IN A CRUSHING DEFEAT TO ITS

INCUMBENT PARTY, INDIA HASCHOSEN A NEW LEADER, BUT THERE'S

ONLY ONE QUESTION THE AMERICANMEDIA HAS ABOUT THE NEW PRIME

MINISTER, NARENDRA MODI.

>> WHAT IF ANYTHING DOES THEU.S. HAVE TO FEAR FROM THIS MAN?

>> HE'S CONSERVATIVE, HE'SA HINDU NATIONALIST.

>> HE HAS AN UGLY PAST.

>> SOME PEOPLE VIEW HIM ASMAYBE BEING IN THE AUTHORITARIANMODE.

>> YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO MAKE ANENEMY OF THIS MAN.

>> ACCORDING TO US, INDIA HASJUST ELECTED THIS GUY --

(SCREAMING)BUT EVEN INDIAN JOURNALISTS

STILL HAVE UNANSWERED QUESTIONS.

>> I WOULD LIKE TO ASK NARENDRAMODI WHY HASN'T HE HELD HIMSELF

TRULY ACCOUNTABLE.

I WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT IF1,000 PEOPLE DIE UNDER YOUR

WATCH WHEN YOU'RE CHIEF MINISTEREITHER YOU'RE INCOMPETENT,

YOU'RE COMPLICIT OR BOTH.

>> WHAT HE WAS REFERRING TO WASTHIS.

>> IT WAS DURING HIS TENURE THATAT LEAST A THOUSAND TEAM MOSTLY

MUSLIMS WERE KILLED DURING THERELIGIOUS RIOTS IN 2002.

>> AND MODI REFUSES TO ADDRESSTHIS CONTROVERSY.

BUT LET'S REMEMBER, I'M THE GUYWHO WENT TO RUSSIA AND GOT

GORBACHEV'S NUMBER ON THE BLACKMARKET, SO THERE WAS NO WAY I

WAS GOING ALL THE WAY TO INDIAAND NOT GETTING AN INTERVIEW

WITH MODI.

OH, IS, IS THAT, IS THAT HIM?

THAT'S MODI?

HEY, AFTER ALL THAT IS SAID ANDDONE, MR. MODI, AFTER THE 2002

2002 GUJRAT RIOTS DO YOU EXPRESSANY, ANY REMORSE WHATSOEVER?

>> HE'S SEEMS TO BE MODI.

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE SEEMS TOBE MODI?

>> HE SEEMS TO BE MODI. HE LIKEMODI. HE'S NOT MODI.

>> THIS IS A MODI LOOKALIKE?

>> LOOK LIKE MODI, YEAH.

>> AH (BLEEP).

OF COURSE MODI WASN'T GOING TOAPPEAR IN PUBLIC, HE WAS THE

MOST POWERFUL MAN IN INDIA.

BUT THEN I SAW A REPORT ONINDIAN TELEVISION THAT HE WAS

ACTUALLY HOLDING ARALLY ACROSS TOWN.

IT'S MODI. MR. MODI, MR. MODI.YOU'VE YET TO EXPRESS

ANY REMORSE. WHY IS THAT?

>> I NEED A TRANSLATOR! I NEED ATRANSLATOR!

OKAY.

HOLD ON.

YOU'RE NOT THE REAL MODI?

LISTEN, I'M NOT SAYING YOU ALLLOOK ALIKE, BUT YOU REALLY LOOK

ALIKE.

>> I LOOK LIKE MODI?

YEAH.

TURNS OUT IN A COUNTRY AS BIGAS THIS, A CANDIDATE CAN'T BE

EVERYWHERE, SO INSTEAD THEYDISPATCH LOOKALIKES TO RALLY THE

VOTERS. AND WHEN I WAS INVARANASI

I SAW MODI DOUBLES, TRIPLES ANDEVEN QUADRUPLES.

>> HE'S SAME AS LOOKING MODIHAS.

>> NO, HE DOESN'T LOOK ANYTHINGLIKE HIM. THIS GUY'S THE WORST

YET. MODI HAD GONETO GREAT LENGTHS

TO DODGE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE2002

RIOTS, BUT ACCORDING TO THIS BJPSPOKESMAN, THAT CASE IS CLOSED.

>> IT'S ONLY A FEW ELITEPEOPLE SITTING IN THE MEDIA WHO

CAN'T REALLY FORGET THEMEMORIES OF 2002.

>> SO WHY HASN'T HE COMEOUT AND JUST SAID, YOU KNOWWHAT?

IT'S TERRIBLE WHAT HAPPENED?

>> THE SUPREME COURT CONDUCTEDEXTENSIVE INQUIRIES AND HE

HAS PRACTICALLY GOT A CLEANSHEET.

>> JUST FOR THE RECORD, YOUSAID CLEAN -- ?

>> CLEAN SHEET.

>> WHAT WAS IT?>> CLEAN SHEET.

>> THE HIGHEST COURT IN THE LANDHAD CLEARED NARENDRA MODI AND

THE PEOPLE HAD ACCEPTEDTHAT DECISION.

WHAT ABOUT THE CRITICISM OF MODISAYING THAT HE DOESN'T,

HE DOESN'T CAREABOUT THE MUSLIMS.

>> THE SUPREME COURT GAVE HIM ACLEAN SHEET.

>> I THINK I'M LOSING SOMETHINGIN THE TRANSLATION.

CAN WE PUT UP A SUBTITLE?

THE COURTS HAVE GIVEN HIM ACLEAN CHIT.

>> CHIT. CHIT. CHIT.

OH, CHIT MEANS LEGAL RECORD.

OK, WELL I PROMISED MYSELF IWASN'T GOING TO COME TO THIS

VIBRANT DEMOCRACY ANDMAKE CHEAP CHIT JOKES, BUT SINCE

BUT, YOU KNOW, SINCE THEYSTARTED IT.

>> THE HONORABLE COURT OF INDIAHAS GIVEN HIM A CLEAN CHIT,

SO NO QUESTIONS.

>> THERE IS ONE QUESTION. CANYOU EVER REALLY HAVE A CLEANCHIT?

>> 100%, ABSOLUTELY. HIS CLEANCHIT.

>> MUSLIMS ARE SAYING HIS CHITIS STILL DIRTY.

>> SEE, I AM TOO SMALL A PERSONTO, YOU KNOW, GIVE A COMMAND.

>> SO, IFTHE COURT SAYS CLEANCHIT.

>> IT'S A CLEAN CHIT.

>> MODI HAS A CLEAN CHIT, CLEANCHIT, CLEAN CHIT.

>> YOU SHOULD PROBABLY USE ADIFFERENT WORD.

>> I THINK I SAID CLEAN CHIT.

>> IT SOUNDS DIFFERENT TO OUREARS.

>> OH! (BLEEP)?>> YEAH.

>> OK, BUT THESE ARE ALL HINDUS.WHAT DO THE MUSLIMS HAVE TO SAY?

>> CLEAN CHIT.

>> CLEAN CHIT? >> CLEAN CHIT.

>> GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, GOODENOUGH FOR ME.

HOW WAS IT THAT EVEN MODI'SSTARKEST OPPONENT SEEMED TO

ACCEPT HIS DEMOCRATIC VICTORY?

>> WE MUST LEARN AND MUST HAVETHE COURAGE TO HONOR THE

DECISION OF OUR OWN PEOPLE.

>> WOW!

BUT I'M FROM AMERICA WHERE WESTOP PEOPLE FROM VOTING, WHERE

WE PRIDE OURSELVES IN NOTGETTING ANYTHING DONE.

WE'VE BECOME OBSTRUCTIONISTS FORON INSTRUCTION'S SAKE.

WAS THERE ANYTHING I COULD DO TOFEEL THE INNER POLITICAL PEACE I

FELT AMONG THESEHOPEFUL INDIANS?

>> YOU GO TO THE GANGES.HAVE A DIP.

THE WATER HAS THATKIND OF POWER.

>> I'M GOING TO DO THAT.

>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANKYOU VERY MUCH.

♪♪>> AS I JOURNEYED TOWARD THE

FETED HOLY WATERSOF MOTHER GANGA-JI,

MY ENTIRE INDIAN EXPERIENCEBEGAN TO MAKE SENSE.

INDIA TAUGHT ME TO OPEN MYSELFTO NEW CUISINES

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

(SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE)>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

NEW STUPID GAMES AND A NEW WAYTO LOSE WEIGHT. AND I REALIZED

AFTER A DECISIVE ELECTION, NOMATTER WHO WINS, EVERYONE

SHOULD JUST SHUT THE (BLEEP) UPAND MOVE ON.

BUT, AS I PREPARED TO STEP INTOTHIS HOLY DUMPING GROUND FOR RAW

SEWAGE AND DEAD BODIES,

I REMEMBERED THE IMPORTANTLESSON I'D LEARNED.

SO WHEN MODI DOESN'T WANT TO DOSOMETHING, YOU SEND IN THIS

GUY

>> YES.

>> WELL, DON'T TURN AROUND, ITRUINS THE ILLUSION.

AND YOU HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAYIN OR ELSE IT DOESN'T COUNT.

YEAH. THAT'S A GOOD CLEANSE.

(APPLAUSE)I FEEL A LOT BETTER.

>> Jon: JASON JONES, ANDPRODUCER BRENNAN SHROFF.

EXCELLENT WORK.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: WELCOME BACK! MY GUEST

TONIGHT, OH, SHE'S GOT A NEWFILM. IT'S CALLED "BLENDED."

>> WHAT'S GOING ON IN THESWEATER, JUST FOR THE ARTICLES.

>> NO, THESE ARE ACTUALLY FORMY SON.

>> WOW, WHAT A PROGRESSIVEMOTHER.

>> NO, I FOUND A CENTER FOLDUNDER HIS BED AND I TORE IT UP.

>> SO WHAT, YOU'RE HERE TOREPLACE IT BEFORE THE KID FINDS

OUT? >> YES, BUT I CAN'T TELL

WHAT MAGAZINE IT'S FROM.I, I, I JUST --

>> DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THE CENTERFOLD REMNANTS?

>> YES, I DO.

I AM -- I TRIED TO TAPE IT BACKUP.

>> DID A GREAT JOB.

YOU CAN HARDLY TELL.

>> Jon: BEEN THERE.

PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THEPROGRAM DREW BARRYMORE!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: HOW ARE YOU?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: HOW ARE YOU?

THIS IS GOING TO BE VERYSURREAL BECAUSE, OBVIOUSLY, I

WATCH YOU AND COLBERT EVERYNIGHT.

AND NOW I'M GOING TO BE ON IT.

>> Jon: IT'S A TREMENDOUS HOUROF POWER, WE CALL IT.

>> IT IS A POWER HOUR!

>> Jon: LET ME TELL YOU ABOUTPOWER HOUR. SO HERE'S WHAT

YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU GAVE BIRTH,WHAT, FOUR WEEKS AGO?

>> MY DAUGHTER IS ONE MONTH OLDTODAY.

>> Jon: THAT'S CRAZY!

CRAZY!

>> AND I AM LIKE ALWAYS NERDINGOUT.

I'M, LIKE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY -- ANDMY HUSBAND'S, LIKE, IT'S NOT HER

BIRTHDAY EXACTLY, BUT OKAY.

>> Jon: BUT THIS, YOU WENT TOAFRICA,

DID YOU ACTUALLY GO TOAFRICA?

>> YEAH, FOR TWO MONTHS.

>> Jon: YOU TRAVELED TO AFRICA.DON'T YOU NEED LIKE DENGUE FEVER

SHOTS AND THINGS LIKE THAT? DOTHEY HAVE TO DO THAT TOO?

>> OH, LIKE EVERYTHING. YEAH,YOU HAVE TO PRETTY MUCH

PREPARE FOR ANYTHING.

THEN, YOU KNOW, LIKE A LOT OFTHINGS IN LIFE, I PRETTY MUCH,

LIKE, CUT 20 YEARS OFF MY LIFEIN STRESS AND FEAR AND

CORONARIES AND FREAKOUTS ANDWHAT IFS AND NOT LIVING IN THE

PRESENT BECAUSE I'M SO CERTAINTHE FUTURE IS JUST GOING TO BE

DIABOLICAL, AND THEN IT WAS ALLOKAY.

>> Jon: OH!

>> AND IT WAS, LIKE, OKAY, THISIS A GOOD LIFE LESSON THAT YOU

DON'T NEED TO HAVE A CORONARY ONA MINUTELY BASIS.

>> Jon: I THOUGHT THIS STORY WASGOING TO END IN A XANEX

PERSCRIPTION. >> OH, THERE WAS ONE OF

THOSE TOO. BUT RIGHT NOW, I'MJUST ON BENADRYL.

>> Jon: THERE YOU GO.

RESPECT.

BENADRYL RESPECT.

ALLERGIES ARE CRAZY.

GOING TO AFRICA WITH YOUR OWN 6MONTH OLD, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT,

BOY, THAT'S A RECIPE FOR ANOTHERMOVIE RIGHT THERE.

LIKE, YOU CAN IMAGINE IN THEJUNGLE THEM RAISING YOUR CHILD.

YOU CAN'T FIND HER, THEN YOURCHILD IS RAISED BY HYENAS, THEN

IT GETS ITS OWN DISNEY MOVIE.LIKE, IT'S A WHOLE,

YOU COULD HAVE A WHOLE THINGGOING.

>> YEAH, BUT I DID,I TOOK HER OUT EVERY WEEKEND TO

SEE DIFFERENT ANIMALS AND I ALSOREALIZED THAT ALL OF MY STRESS

WAS INEVITABLY LEADING TOLIKE THIS EXTRAORDINARY

LIFE EXPERIENCE WHERE I'MSTANDING, LIKE, WITH MY KID AND,

LIKE, THERE'S 50 ELEPHANTS FANSROLLING BY AND I'M, LIKE,

WOW, I WAS NOT THINKING ABOUTTHIS OPTION WHEN I THOUGHT OF

EVERY HARD, GNARLY THING THATCOULD OCCUR. THIS IS COOL.

>> Jon: HOW MANY TIMES DID YOUTHIS, AND I WANT TO KNOW THIS

FOR REAL, HOW MANY TIMES DID YOUSTAND THERE AS THE ELEPHANTS

WERE GOING BY AND HOLD THE CHILDUP LIKE THIS? AND GO --

(SINGING)DID YOU DO THAT A BUNCH?

>> I WAS MORE LIKE OH LET'SINSTAGRAM THIS TO OUR

GIRLFRIENDS BACK HOME SO THEYCAN SEE WHAT WE'RE UP TO.

ON OUR SIX CHAIN INSTAGRAMPROGRAM.

>> Jon: THAT'S NICE. THE THINGI ALWAYS FIND TOO, LIKE, WITH

A 6-MONTH-OLD, YOU THINK, LIKELOOK ELEPHANTS. AND MEANWHILE

THEY'RE JUST, LIKE, LOOK,FABRIC! LIKE, THEY DON'T --

>> IT WAS ACTUALLY FUNNY. WEWERE

LATE TO WORK ONE TIME BECAUSETHERE WAS A

HERD OF ELEPHANTS BLOCKING THEROAD.

>> Jon: SURE. RIGHT.

>> NO, BUT IT'S SO, THE DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK!

I WAS, LIKE, NO, REALLY WHATWERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

INFURIATE THEM?

WE WERE WAY OUTNUMBERED IN OURSMALL CAR!

THERE'S TEN ELEPHANTS.

LIKE, I'M GOING TO WAIT UNTILTHEY PASS!

>> Jon: SURE, NO, YOU WAIT.

WHERE WERE THEY GOING, DO YOUTHINK?

>> I DON'T KNOW, BUT ONE CAR DIDTRY TO GET BY THEM AND THEY WERE

NOT HAVING THAT.

>> Jon: I'M SURE THE ELEPHANTSWERE LIKE, OH, (BLEEP),

WE'RE LATE FOR WORK!

(LAUGHTER)>> THEY WERE.

>> Jon: BUT YOU, YOUR MOVIE,A LOT OF HEART, YOU'RE TELLING

ME IT HAS A LOT OF HEART,IT'S GOING TO MAKE PEOPLE CRY.

>> YOU KNOW, YOUCAN SEE THERE'S A LOT OF AFRICA,

AND THERE'S GREAT COMEDY ANDIT'S A VERY BIG

FUN, SCOPEY, HAPPY MOVIE, BUTI'M TELLING YOU, THIS IS A GREAT

EMOTIONAL JOURNEY. ITIS A GREAT ROMANTIC

COMEDY THAT ADAM AND I GOT TO DOTOGETHER. AND, YOU KNOW,

WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG YOU'RE, LIKE,OH, MY GOD, I LOVE HIM!

JELL-O SHOTS!

AND THEN WHEN YOU GET OLDER,YOU'RE LIKE, WAIT A MINUTE, IS

HE GOING TO PICK THEKIDS UP ON TIME?

AM I GOING TO BE ABLE TO REACHHIM?

IS HE GOING TO BE A GOODFATHER? AND IT'S THIS ROMANCE

SET IN A WORLD WHERE THESE TWOPEOPLE BECOME ATTRACTED TO

EACH OTHER BASED ON EACHOTHER'S PARENTING STYLES.

AND, I THOUGHT, I LOVE THAT.

THAT'S TOTALLY WHERE I AM IN MYLIFE.

THAT'S MY PRIORITY AND I LOVEDIT AND IT'S VERY EMOTIONAL

BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT WHAT KIDSNEED, AND ARE THE KIDS HAPPY AND

THERE'S JUST, YOU KNOW, AMONGSTALL THE CRAZINESS, IT'S LIKE --

>> Jon: LOOK AT YOU. LOOK ATYOU. YOU'RE ALRIGHT, KID.

>> -- PARENTING.

THIS IS LOVELY.

DREW BARRYMORE, THANK YOU FORCOMING BY ALWAYS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: BLENDED WILL BE IN

THE THEATERS ON FRIDAY.IT'S DREW BARRYMORE!

>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

HERE IT IS YOUR MOMENTOF ZEN.

>> CHILDISH WORDS, THEY'REPOPPING UP ON BUILDINGS AND

SIGNS ALL OVER.

POLICE SAY THERE'S NOTHING FUNNYABOUT THIS.

>> YOU CAN SEE BEHIND ME SORT OFTHOSE DISCOLORED BRICKS THAT

YOU SEE THERE, THAT GRAFFITI

HAS ALREADY BEEN CLEANED UP.

IT USED TO SAY BOOGER AND SNOT.

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