November 10, 2011 - Adam Sandler

  • Episode: 17020
  • (0)

Rick Perry draws a blank at the CNBC debate, The Best F#@king News Team Ever revels in Perry's brain fart, and Adam Sandler dishes on his family life.

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY

SHOW, MY NAME IS JON

STEWART.

BARN BURNER TONIGHT, OUR

GUEST ADAM SANDLER,

SANDLER'S GOING TO BE

JOINING US LATER.

SANDLER THE STAR OF MY THREE

FAVORITE MOVIE, BILLY

MADISON, HAPPY GILLMORE AND,

UH--

(APPLAUSE)

OH, WHAT IS THE THIRD?

THE-- UH--

(LAUGHTER)

EPA, I DON'T-- I DON'T-- OH,

THAT REMINDED ME!

LET'S BEGIN TONIGHT WITH

LAST NIGHT'S GOP DEBATE ON

CNBC, THE 9th OF THE PRIMARY

SEASON.

NOW BEFORE WE GET INTO RICK

PERRY'S NOW INFAMOUS ABC

WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS AGONY

OF DEFEAT-WORTHY BRAIN TURD,

AND BELIEVE ME WE WILL GET

THERE, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO

START WAY BRIEF ANNOUNCE.

I'M CALLING THE FIGHT, THROW

IN THE TOWEL, IT'S OVER.

REPUBLICANS, YOU HAD YOUR

CHANCE.

YOU DIDN'T WANT ROMNEY, TOO

BAD.

ARE YOU NOW STUCK WITH MITT

ROMNEY [BLEEP] ROMNEY, DONE.

HE IS THE WINNER.

ROMNEY WINS.

WE'RE CALLING IT TONIGHT.

(APPLAUSE)

IT'S OVER.

INDECISION 2012 MERCY RULE

EDITION BECAUSE IN

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES AS IN

LITTLE LEAGUE IF ONE TEAM IS

UP 10-0 IN THE THIRD YOU

CALL IT A DAY AND YOU HEAD

OVER TO FRIENDLY'S FOR SOME

FRIBBLES AND SOME FOOD

POISONING.

LART.

(LAUGHTER)

HOW BAD IS IT AT THIS POINT?

IN OUR COVERAGE OF THE

ROMNEY'S CLINCHING DEBATE,

WE NEED NOT EVEN SHOW YOU

HIGHLIGHTS OF ROMNEY.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT MERELY THE SPONTANEOUS

COMBUSTION OF HIS OPPONENTS.

FOR INSTANCE, CHIEF ROMNEY

RIVAL IN THE POLLS HERMAN

CAIN.

GUY'S IN THE MIDDLE OF A

SCANDAL INVOLVING HIS

TREATMENT OF WOMEN.

WATCH HIM LAY DOWN THIS TURD

DISCUSSING THE HIGHEST

RANKING FEMALE OFFICIAL THIS

COUNTRY HAS EVER HAD.

>> THE LEGISLATION HAS

ALREADY BEEN WRITTEN.

WE DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT IT IN

THE PREVIOUS CONGRESS

BECAUSE PRINCESS NANCY SENT

IT TO COMMITTEE AND IT

STAYED THERE.

>> Jon: PRINCESS.

PRINCESS.

PRINCESS NANCY.

NOT I DISAGREE VEHEMENTLY

WITH THE FORMER SPEAKER.

NOT MINORITY LEADER PELOSI

IS WRONG ON THE-- PRINCESS!

YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN AGE

ABOVE WHICH MOST WOMEN DO

NOT WISH TO BE REFERRED TO

ASPIRIN SES.

AND I BELIEVE THAT AGE IS

FIVE.

THERE'S ONLY THREE TIMES YOU

SHOULD EVER USE THAT TERM

WITH AN ACTUAL FEMALE MEMBER

OF THE ROYAL FAMILY, A NEW

MALL TEETION PUPPY YOU GOT,

AND-- MALL TEASE PUPPY YOU

GOT AND, OH, WHAT'S THE

THIRD-- UH--

(APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

I'M GOING TO SAY EPA,

I-- YOU KNOW, THE DEPARTMENT

OF-- WE'RE GOING GET TO

PERRY.

ALL RIGHT SO, THAT'S HERMAN

CAIN.

CAN GINGRICH TAKE ADVANTAGE?

HE'S GOT A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT

OF EXPERIENCE IN GOVERNMENT.

HE'S GOT NAME RECOGNITION.

NEWT.

AND HE'S GOT A REPUTATION AS

THE RIGHT IDEA MAN.

SO WHY CAN'T HE WIN?

WELL, BECAUSE EVERY ONE OF

THOSE IDEAS IS SEASONED WITH

JUST A HINT, JUST A PINCH,

JUST A LOT OF WHAT CAN BE

BEST DESCRIBED AS

DICKISHNESS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> THE NEWS MEDIA DOESN'T

REPORT ACCURATELY HOW THE

ECONOMY WORKS.

MY COLLEAGUES HAVE DONE A

TERRIFIC JOB OF ANSWERING AN

ABSURD QUESTION.

TO SAY IN 30 SECONDS --

>> YOU HAVE SAID YOU WANT TO

REPEAL OBAMACARE.

>> LET ME FINISH, IF I MAY,

WHAT IS AMAZING TO ME IS THE

INABILITY OF MUCH OF OUR

ACADEMIC WORLD, MUCH OF OUR

NEWS MEDIA AND MOST OF THE

PEOPLE ON OCCUPY WALL STREET

TO HAVE A CLUE ABOUT

HISTORY.

>> Jon: HMMMM, YOU KNOW, IF

I MAY, NEWT, EVERYBODY LOVES

THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY.

BUT NOBODY'S GOING TO VOTE

FOR HIS ANGRIER KNOW IT ALL

BROTHER.

>> WHAT THE ELITIST IN THE

MAINSTREAM MEDIA WON'T TELL

YOU IS-- EAT A [BLEEP].

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, MOVING

DOWN.

BECAUSE-- NO, LOOKS LIKE THE

PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY A LITTLE

BIT.

(LAUGHTER)

MOVING DOWN THE LIST.

RON PAUL?

THE GUY'S FOR GAY MARRIAGE,

LEGALIZING DRUGS AND AGAINST

MILITARY SPENDING.

HE'S CRITICIZED RONALD

REAGAN.

HE CERTAINLY IS CAPABLE OF

WINNING HIS PARTY'S

NOMINATION, BUT THE

REPUBLICANS AIN'T HIS PARTY.

(LAUGHTER)

MICHELE BACHMANN, NOBODY HAS

SEEN HER SINCE SHE WON THE

AIMS IOWA STRAW POLL AND

STATED THE HPV VACCINE CAN

DO IRREP ARABLE HARM.

TURNS OUT SHE WAS RIGHT AND

HER CAMPAIGN IS TRUTH.

SO THAT LEAVES THREE PEOPLE,

JON HUNTSMAN, RICK SANTORUM

AND-- UH--

(APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

THE TRANSPORTATION

DEPARTMENT?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT, WE'LL GET TO

IT HUNTSMAN, WHY CAN'T THE

HANDSOME MORMON EX-GOVERNOR

BEAT MITT ROMNEY?

BECAUSE HE IS MITT ROMNEY.

JUST NOT QUITE.

IT'S LIKE WITH THE-- BALDWINS,

BILLY IS GREAT BUT GIVEN A

CHOICE YOU'RE GOING TO GO

WITH ALEC.

(APPLAUSE)

WHICH BRINGS US TO SANTORUM.

WHY CAN'T HE WIN?

BECAUSE NOBODY WHEN GIVEN A

CHOICE OF BALDWINS IS GOING

WITH STEPHEN.

(LAUGHTER)

AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

WE HAVE REACHED OUR

DESTINATION.

JAMES RICHARD PERRY, RICK.

THE TOUGH-TALKING,

GOD-FEARING, BOOT-WEARING,

PRISONER-KILLING% DISPENSER

DISPENSER-COLLECTING, THAT

LAST ONE IS PROBABLY NOT

RIGHT, TEXAN.

MANY REPUBLICAN FAITHFUL

THOUGHT PERRY WOULD BE THE

ANSWER TO THEIR PRAYER.

BUT IT TURNS OUT HE WAS THE

ANSWER TO OURS.

YOU KNOW, A COMEDIAN CAN

SPEND HIS WHOLE LIFE DIGGING

THROUGH THE COMEDY MINDS FOR

SOUND BITES THAT HE CAN USE

TO SUSTAIN HIS FAMILY.

SOMETIMES A FELLOW CAN LOSE

HOPE.

AND THEN RICK PERRY GIVES

YOU 53 SECONDS THAT CAN

CHANGE A MAN'S LIFE.

OH LORDY, I GIVE YOU THIS

THING I FOUND, THE DOPE

DIAMOND.

>> I WILL TELL YOU, IT'S

THREE AGENCIES OF GOVERNMENT

WHEN I GET THERE THAT ARE

GONE.

COMMERCE, EDUCATION AND THE,

UH, WHAT'S THE THIRD ONE

THERE, LET'S SEE --

>> YOU MEAN FIVE.

>> OH, FIVE, COMMERCE,

EDUCATION, AND, UH, THE,

UH-- UH.

>> EPA?

>> EPA, THERE YOU GO.

>> LET'S TALK DEFICIT

REDUCTION.

>> SERIOUSLY.

IS EPA THE ONE YOU WERE

TALKING ABOUT.

>> NO, SIR.

>> YOU CAN'T NAME THE THIRD

ONE?

>> THE THIRD AGENCY OF

GOVERNMENT I WOULD DO AWAY

WITH, EDUCATION, THE-- UH,

THE-- I CAN'T-- COMMERCE --

AND LET'S SEE-- I CAN'T, THE

THIRD ONE, I CAN'T.

SORRY.

OOPS.

>> Jon: ARE YOU NOT

ENTERTAINED?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

THERE IS SO MUCH MEAT ON

THAT BONE AND IT IS ALL

BREAST MEAT.

IT IS ALL WHITE-- I DON'T

EVEN KNOW WHICH TO PICK

THERE IS THE PART WHERE RON

PAUL IS TRYING TO HELP HIM

OUT.

HE'S GOING, I THINK YOU MEAN

FIVE, OTHER PEOPLE ARE

SHOUTING OUT, I THINK YOU

MEAN EPA.

BUT YOU KNOW, THEY WANTED TO

SHOUT [BLEEP] OUT LIKE CORN

DOG, JUST TO SEE IF PERRY

WOULD REPEAT IT RON BURGUNDY

STYLE.

AND THEN THE PART FOR JUST A

SECOND PERRY LOOKS LIKE HE

IS GOING TO FAKE A STROKE TO

GET OUT OF THE WHOLE THING.

WHICH BY THE WAY IS THE

RIGHT MOVE.

(LAUGHTER)

IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT

[BLEEP] PERRY SHOULD HAVE

JUST BEEN LIKE-- UHU, UH, I

SMELL TOAST!

NO, NO, MY FAVORITE MOMENT

OCCURRED JUST TOWARDS THE

VERY END, JUST TOWARDS THE

VERY END.

LET ME JUST REPLAY IT FOR

YOU VERY QUICKLY, JUST AT

THE VERY END IN THE QUIET

MOMENT OF DESPERATION, AT

THE END.

>> NOW LET'S SEE-- I CAN'T,

THE THIRD ONE I CAN'T, SORRY.

OOPS.

>> Jon: OOPS!

OOPS IS!

OOPS!

OOPS!

(LAUGHTER)

THANK YOU, JESUS.

OOPS!

THAT IS NOT THE FOUR LETTER

WORD I WOULD HAVE GONE WITH.

OOPS LIKE IT'S A JUICE BOX,

OH MY GOD, OH, MY CHANCE TO

BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

STATES!

DOES ANYBODY HAVE A TOWEL,

OOPSES.

FOR MORE ON THIS WE GO OUT

TO THE BEST [BLEEP] NEWS

TEAM, JOHN OLIVER, I WOULD

AN SEEN AK WHAT HAVE YOU

GUYS GOT TO SAY.

>> JON, JON, THAT MIGHT BE

THE SINGLE GREATEST THING

I'VE EVER SEEN.

IT WAS CRAZY!

>> WOW, I MEAN PEOPLE ARE

CALLING IT A BRAIN FART BUT

IT WAS SO MUCH MORE THAN

THAT, JON.

THAT WAS SOME BRAIN

EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA.

YES, IT WAS LIKE HIS BRAIN

WAS WEARING WHITE PANTS.

>> EXACTLY, EXACTLY.

>> ON BRAIN SCHOOL PICTURE

DAY.

>> IT WAS AMAZING.

THIS, DOESN'T THIS END HIS

CHANCES BECOMING THE

NOMINEE?

>> DON'T OVERTHINK THIS JON.

>> YEAH, WHO CARES.

IT WAS JUST [BLEEP] AWESOME!

>> DID YOU SEE DAVID

GREGORILUTION IT?

-- GREGORY LOSE IT?

>> IT WAS AWESOME.

>> Jon: GUYS, GUYS WHAT ARE

YOU DOING?

WHAT THE HELL!

>> WHAT, WHAT?

>> WHAT'S THE PROBLEM.

>> Jon: WHAT IS THAT?

WHAT IS THAT?

WHAT IS --

>> I DON'T SEE WHAT THE

PROBLEM-- .

>> Jon: YOUR PANTS!

YOUR,-- YOU'RE BOTH AROUSED.

>> PLEASE, JON, YOU'VE NEVER

SEEN A PROFESSIONAL NEWS MAN

ENJOY A PHENOMENAL STORY

LIKE THIS.

>> Jon: IT'S JUST, I

NEVER --

>> IT'S CALLED A JOY BONER.

>> EXACTLY.

JOY BONER, JON, HONESTLY, I

HAVEN'T PITCHED A TENT LIKE

THIS SINCE DICK CHANEY SHOT

THAT GUY IN THE FACE.

>> Jon: I'M GLAD YOU GUYS

ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF BUT

YOU'RE IN NO CONDITION TO

APPEAR ON TELEVISION LIKE

THAT.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S NO

PROBLEM.

I CAN JUST GO LIKE THIS AND

LOOK NOW I'M OUT OF THE

FRAME.

YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE IT.

>> HE'S RIGHT, JON, AN OLD

TOM BROKAW TRICK, LOOK LOOK

T JUST DISAPPEARS,.

>> BONER, NO BONER.

>> Jon: I'M GOING TO BREAK

YOU UP, I'M GOING-- YOU KNOW

WHAT-- I'M GOING TO GO TO

SAMANTHA BEE.

SAMANTHA --

>> WHOOO!

WHOOO!

CHECK IT OUT BITCHES!

THIS RICK PERRY VIDEO IS

AWESOME.

>> Jon: HOW CAN YOU-- I

DIDN'T EVEN THINK YOU COULD

DO THAT.

>> DO WHAT, RING A DOORBELL

FROM ACROSS THE STREET?

I CAN NOW.

I GOT A JOY BONER!

>> JOY BONER.

>> JOY BONER!

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME BACK,

OUR GUEST TONIGHT-- JACK OR

JILL!

>> SO HOW LONG HOW LONG DOES

IT TAKE TO GET A RESPONSE ON

THE COMPUTER DATING THINGS,

I'M NEW TO THIS.

>> I MEAN IT CAN TAKE A DAY,

IT CAN TAKE A WEEK, YOU KNOW

WHAT I MEAN, FOR SOMEONE

LIKE HER, WHAT WAS THAT

SHALL DID -- WHY DID YOU

SAY-- LIKE HER.

>> JUST ONE LIKE HER, LIKE

IN HER 40s, STILL SINGLE,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,

INCREDIBLY HOMELY.

>> WOW, YOU HATE YOUR JOB,

DON'T YOU.

>> NO, I ONLY SAID THAT

BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT ONE

TIME.

>> I CAN SAY THAT BECAUSE

I'M HER TWIN.

>> LAKERS GAME TOMORROW

NIGHT.

WE HAVE TO MAKE THAT THING

HAPPEN.

EVERYBODY'S REALLY NERVOUS

AROUND HERE.

>> I KNOW, I KNOW.

>> WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A TWIN.

>> OH, JACKIE HAS A TWIN

SISTER.

>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HAD A

TWIN SISTER.

>> I MEAN SHE'S --

>> I IDENTICAL OR FRATERNAL.

>> NOCTURNAL LIKE A BAT.

>> Jon: PLEASE WELCOME ADAM

SANDLER!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SANDLER!

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: HOW YOU BEEN?

>> I GOT-- I CAME OUT HERE,

I WANTED TO REMEMBER THREE

THINGS TO TELL YOU.

>> Jon: TELL ME.

>> I CAN'T REMEMBER ANY OF

THEM, I GOT NONE, I GOT NONE,

HOW ARE YOU.

>> Jon: I'M DOING VERY WELL.

>> THE CORDUROY SEEMS THICK

FOR THIS --

>> I HAD CORDUROY PANTS ON

TOO AND SOMEBODY SAID DON'T

WEAR CORDUROY ON CORDUROY SO

I SWITCHED IT OUT THIS SAY

NEW THING, MY WIFE HAS BEEN

GETTING ME NEW CLOTHES.

I LOOK BACK AT PIE OLD, I

HAVE BEEN ON TELEVISION A

LONG TIME AND I'VE BEEN

WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES

LITERALLY ON EVERY SHOW.

SO SHE WENT OUT AND GOT ME

THIS CORDUROY SHIRT THIS

OTHER FLANNEL ONE AND A

T-SHIRT.

>> Jon: BUT THE R WORD AND

AGAIN THIS IS NOTHING

AGAINST THE WIFE, BUT THAT

IS NOT-- THAT'S NOT A SHIRT.

YOU'RE WEARING-- THAT IS

CLEARLY SOME SORT OF COAT

SHIRT HYBRID.

THAT'S NOT --

>> BECAUSE SHE WAS BEING

NICE AND KNEW I WAS GOING TO

BE COLD, ALSO I DON'T-- I

REFUSE TO TRY ON THINGS SO

LIKE WHEN I GO TO A STORE,

SHE GOES HEY, YOU WANT A-- AND

I SAY JUST GET IT.

AND THEN IT'S EITHER TOO BIG

OR TOO TIGHT BUT I HAVE TO

WEAR IT ANYWAYS BECAUSE--

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: NOW IT DOES SEEM

LIKE UNDERNEATH THE NEW --

>> IS AN OLDER SHIRT.

>> Jon: SHIRT JACKET OR

SHACKET.

>> THAT'S WHY I HAD IT

BUTTONED TO COVER THE OLD TO

SHOW THE WIFE RESPECT.

>> Jon: S THIS'S THE KEY TO

A HAPPY MARRIAGE, THOSE

TYPES OF COMPROMISES.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: AT WHAT POINT,

BECAUSE SI HAVE BEEN-- WE

HAVE BEEN MARRIED PROBABLY

ABOUT THE SAME AMOUNT.

HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN

MARRIED?

>> I-- WITH THE SAME GIRL 14,

MARRIED ABOUT 7 OR 8.

>> Jon: VERY SIMILAR, WITH

MY WIFE FOR ABOUT 15 YEARS,

AND MI JUST GETTING TO THE

POINT WHERE I DON'T HAVE TO

CHANGE MY OUTFIT.

>> THIS IS A NEW THING, SHE

WAS COOL AT THE BEGINNING

AND STARTED REALIZING, HE IS

DRESSES NICE AND I HAVE THE

TWO DAUGHTERS WHO YELL AT ME

FOR NOT DRESSING NICE.

SO THAT BECAME LIKE A FACTOR

IN THE HOUSE.

WHEN WHICH COME DOWNSTAIRS

IN THE MORNING AND ALL THREE

OF THEM WOULD SAY PLEASE

DON'T.

THEN I SAID ALL RIGHT, GO

GET ME SOME NEW STUFF.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW WHAT I GET

IN THE HOUSE, THIS IS NEW AS

WELL, DADDY, I DON'T LIKE

THE YOU SMELL.

>> THAT'S NOT YOU.

THEIR NOSE IS STRONGER AT

THAT AGE.

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH NO, NO NO, MY KIDS, MY

KIDS, IF I-- SHE'LL SAY

BRUSH YOUR TEETH A LITTLE

BETTER, BRUSH YOUR TEETH A

LITTLE BETTER AND MAYBE I'LL

KISS YOU.

>> Jon: THAT'S NICE THOUGH,

AND ALSO CONCERN FOR YOUR

HEALTH BECAUSE PLACKE, THE

BACTERIA, ONE OF THE LEADING

CAUSES OF ALL KINDS OF

DISTRESS THEY'RE FINDING

THESE DAYS.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> Jon: SO I VERY MUCH

APPRECIATE THAT.

THAT'S NICE OF HER TO DO

THAT.

>> SHE LOVES HER DAD.

>> Jon: YOU SAY SHE BUT ONLY

ONE LOVES THE DAD.

THE OTHER-- BECAUSE THERE IS

THREE.

>> THE OTHER ONE IS YOUNG

ENOUGH TO GET PAST THE

STENCH AND GET RIGHT IN

THERE AND START KISSING ME.

IT'S THE FIVE-YEAR-OLD THAT

JUST GOES THIS IS REALLY

HORRIFIC WHAT I'M SMELLING

RIGHT NOW.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

I APPRECIATE THOUGH YOUR USE

OF VOCABULARY.

>> HORRIFIC.

>> THAT WAS GIANT, HORRIFIC

IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS.

HORRIFIC AND MET MORES TO US

IS A NICE ONE.

>> Stephen: THAT IS A NICE

ONE.

>> THAT'S ALL I GOT.

>> Jon: ARE YOU GOING TO

STICK AROUND AND WATCH THE

JETS.

>> I WITHOUT LIKE TO SEE

THAT.

MY KIDS WANT ME TO GET BACK

TO L.A. THEY DEMANDED I COME

HOME.

I SAID IT'S ONE EXTRA DAY,

IF I COULD SEE THE JETS-PATS

GAME.

YOU COULD WATCH IT ON

TELEVISION, THEY SAID.

SO I'M GOING TO GO HOME.

>> Jon: WHEN WAS THE LAST

TIME YOU MADE A DECISION?

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

>> THAT'S A GOOD ONE, JONNY.

>> Jon: I MEAN ARE YOU

WRAPPED IN CORDUROY, YOU

CAN'T WATCH-- YOU'RE LIKE A

SHELL OF YOURSELF.

ARE YOU LIKE A MICROWAVEABLE

BURRITYO IN THAT THING.

>> HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS.

MY KIDS FALL ASLEEP MAYBE 9,

89:30, 9:00, MAYBE 10.

THE WIFE FALLS ASLEEP MAYBE

1:00.

FROM 1:00 UNTIL 6:00 IT'S

BANANAS.

YOU GOT TO SEE.

I PUT ON MY OLD CLOTHES, AND

LAY THERE.

>> Jon: FAMILY TIME.

THAT'S VERY NICE.

ARE WE GOING-- WE'RE GOING,

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE, ARE

WE DOING ANOTHER ONE?

WE MIGHT DO ANOTHER ONE

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF YOU

KNOW THIS, THE LAST ACT, I

JUST YELLED AT PEOPLE FOR

LIKE TWO MINUTES T WASN'T

THAT FUNNY.

>> WHAT IS IT?

>> ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!

>> Jon: JACK AND JILL IN THE

THEATRES ON FRIDAY, SEE IT

NOW BECAUSE THE WAY THIS MAN

IS GOING TO-- IN HIS

CORDUROY IS NOT GOING TO

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME BACK.

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME

FOOTBALL?

ALL RIGHT.

BY NOW YOU PROBABLY HEARD

ABOUT THE SITUATION

UNFOLDING AT PENN STATE

UNIVERSITY.

A LONG TIME ASSISTANT

FOOTBALL COACH JERRY

SANDUSKY WAS ARRESTED LAST

WEEKEND FOR ALLEGED SEXUAL

ABUSE OF CHILDREN.

TERRIBLE.

BUT IT'S ALSO COME OUT THAT

THOSE AROUND SANDUSKY KNEW

OF HIS BEHAVIOR FOR YEARS

INCLUDING AN INCIDENT IN

2002 WHERE 6 FOOT 5 INCH

ADULT EYE WITNESS WALKED IN

ON HIM RAPING A CHILD IN A

PENN STATE SHOWER AND DIDN'T

DO THE TWO THINGS MOST

PEOPLE WOULD DO IN THAT

SITUATION.

A, STOP IT AND CALL THE COPS,

OR B CALL THE COPS TO COME

STOP IT.

BOTH SCENARIOS INVOLVE THE

POLICE AND STOPPING IT.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: BUT APPARENTLY WHAT

HAPPENED IS OVER THE NEXT

FEW DAYS SOME OF THE

AUTHORITIES WERE NOTIFIED

INCLUDING HEAD COACH JOE

PATERNO AND SANDUSKY WAS

PUNISHED BY NOT BEING

ALLOWED TO HAVE THE KEYS TO

THE PENN STATE SHOWER AND

MORE-- ANY MORE.

THEY WERE RUN A PRETTY TIGHT

SHIP.

AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, THE

STUDENTS AT PENN STATE WERE

OUTRAGED TO FIND OUT.

>> THOUSANDS OF STUDENTS JAM

DOWNTOWN STREETS,

OVERTURNING A TV NEWS TRUCK,

KNOCKING OVER LIGHT POLES

AND THROWING ROCKS AT

POLICE.

>> TEARS IN MY EYES, HE'S

DONE SO MUCH FOR OUR

UNIVERSITY.

>> WE'RE IN SUPPORT OF OUR

SKOL AND JOE PA.

WE THINK IS IS RIDICULOUS HE

GOT FIRED OVER THIS

SITUATION.

>> Jon: I DON'T WANT TO JUMP

TO CONCLUSIONS HERE, BUT IT

APPEARS THE STREET RYEOUT IS

IN RESPONSE TO JOE PATERNO'S

FIRING.

SEE I GUESS IS HARD TO

BELIEVE THIS GUY YOU THINK

IS INFALLIBLE AND THIS

PROGRAM YOU THINK IS SACRED

COULD HIDE SUCH HEINOUS

ACTIVITY BUT THERE IS SOME

PRECEDENT FOR THAT.

YEAH.

>> AND JUST LIKE WITH THE

CATHOLIC CHURCH NO ONE IS

TRYING TO TAKE AWAY YOUR

RELIGION N THIS CASE TO THE

BALL.

THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO BRING

ACCOUNTABILITY TO A POPE AND

SOME OF HIS CARDINALS WHO

[BLEEP] UP.

SO DON'T WORRY, ON SATURDAY

YOU'LL STILL GET TO GO TO

SERVICES AGAINST NEBRASKA.

NO ONE IS GOING TO TAKE AWAY

BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE

YOUNG AND THAT WOULD BE A

TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE.

AND WE WOULDN'T WANT THAT

MEMORY TO SCAR YOU

>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED,

BUT I WAS-- YOU KNOW, NEXT

TIME WE DO A BIT LIKE THAT I

WILL TRY TO FUNNY IT UP A

LITTLE BIT.

ONCE WE GET A LITTLE MORE

EMOTIONAL DISTANCE, BUT THAT

ONE IN PARTICULAR KIND OF

HAD THE STAFF AND ME A

LITTLE GALLED, SO-- PAUSE

PLAUS.

>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

JOIN US NEXT WEEK AT 11:00.

HERE IS YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN.

>> EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT

RICK PERRY AND HIS OOPS

EMPLOYMENT.

>> GOOD MORNING, GEORGE.

>> THERE ARE ONLY THREE

WORDS TO DESCRIBE WHAT

HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

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