March 26, 2014 - Jude Law

  • Episode: 19081
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Jordan Klepper promotes biblical health care, Samantha Bee finds family with the cast of "Morning Joe," and Jude Law discusses getting into character for "Dom Hemingway."

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW".

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

TONIGHT'S GUEST JUDE LAW WILL BEJOINING US.

BUT FIRST, AS YOU KNOW,AMERICA'S RECENTLY IMPLEMENTED A

BRAND NEW HEALTH CARE LAWDESIGNED BY OUR PRESIDENT TO

KILL OLD PEOPLE AND ALLOW RUSSIATO INVADE CRIMEA.

[LAUGHTER]NOW. BUT SOME AMERICANS AREWILLING TO

FIGHT THIS LAW ALL THE WAY TOTHE SUPREME COURT.

AND WHILE THEY DON'T CITECOMMUNISM AND ELDERICIDEAS THE REASON

FOR THEIR OBJECTION I THINK WECAN READ BETWEEN THE LINES.

>> THE NEW HEALTH CARE LAWREQUIRES COMPANIES TO OFFER

INSURANCE THAT INCLUDESFREE BIRTH CONTROL.

RELIGIOUS EMPLOYERS ACROSS THECOUNTRY STARTED FILING LAWSUITS.

THEY SAY THAT VIOLATESOUR RELIGIOUS BEEIEFS.

THE COURT AGREED TO DECIDE THATISSUE IN A CASE INVOLVING

HOBBY LOBBY. IT'S A NATION WIDECHAIN OF CRAFT SUPPLY STORES.

>> Jon: THIS IS A SUPREME COURTCASE, IT IS HOBBY LOBBY V.SEBELIUS, THE

SILLIEST SOUNDING SUPREME COURTPLAINTIFF SINCE 1954'S BROWN V

BOARD OF TITTY FARTS.

NOW -- IT'S A REAL CASE.

[LAUGHTER]TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS LOBBY OF

HOBBIES.>> HOBBY LOBBY IS FAMILY-RUN

BUSINESS IT'S OWNERS SAY ISBASED ON BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES

FOUNDED 38 YEARS AGO BY DAVIDAND BARBARA GREEN.

>> Jon: HOW IS IT BASED ONBIBILCAL PRINCIPLES? I'M A

LITTLE RUSTY ON THE NEWTESTAMENT, WHERE THE BIBLE

DOES IT MENTION CRAFT STORES?I'M FAMILIAR WITH JESUS.

THIS JESUS.

NOT SO MUCH WITH THIS JESUS.

[ LAUGHTER ]WITH A --

[LAUGHTER]WHAT IS THE LARGER PRINCIPLE AT

PLAY HERE?

>> THEY ARE ASKING THE COURT TOFIND THAT THEIR FOR-PROFIT

COMPANY HAS THE SAME RELIGIOUSFREEDOM AS A CHURCH OR

INDIVIDUAL.

>> Jon: SURE, WHY -- OF COURSEHOBBY LOBBY WANTS THAT.

THEY ARE A PIOUS CORPORATION.

THERE WOULD NEVER BE A CASEEMANATING FROM THAT OTHER CRAFT

STORE MICHAELS. FOR GOD SAKES

THAT PLACE IS SAY GODLESS(bleep) PALACE WITH YARN.

[LAUGHTER]THAT JOKE BROUGHT TO YOU BY

MICHAELS.

MICHAEL'S IT'S A GODLESS (bleep)PALACE WITH YARN.

[ LAUGHTER ]SEE--

SOME OF THE AUDIENCE HASOBVIOUSLY BEEN THERE. SO WHAT

SAYETH THE LIBERAL JUSTICETO THIS ARGUMENT.

>> JUSTICE SOTOMAYOR SAID WHATABOUT YOU KNOWRELIGIOUS ADHERENTS

THAT DON'T BELIEVE INTRANSFUSIONS, BLOOD

TRANSFUSIONS,VACCINATIONS. AND MR. CLEMENT

RESPONDED WELL IT DOES DEPEND ONTHE BURDEN THAT'S BEING PLACED.

IT'S POSSIBLE THE GOVERNMENTWOULD HAVE A COMPELLING INTEREST

IN IMPOSING THAT BURDEN BUTTHERE'S NO COMPELLING INTEREST

HERE IN THIS PARTICULAR CASE.

>> Jon: SURE THERE'S NOCOMPELLING INTEREST TO HOBBY

LOBBY'S LAWYER PAUL CLEMENT,HE'S GOT A PENIS.

BABIES RARELY GROW INSIDE OFTHOSE EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE

TERRIBLE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGERMOVIE. LOOK WHO'S IN MY PENIS.

IT'S NOT A TUMOR.

GET INTO MY PENIS IF YOU WANT TOLIVE.

[ LAUGHTER ]ALL RIGHT, WHAT SAYETH THE MAN

THAT WILL ACTUALLY DECIDE THISCASE SWING JUSTICE KENNEDY.

>> JUSTICE KENNEDY FOCUSED ONEMPLOYERS RIGHTS SAYING IF A

BUSINESS CAN BE FORCED TO PAYFOR ALL TYPES OF CONTRACEPTION

THEY CAN QUOTE BE FORCED INPRINCIPLE TO PAY FOR ABORTIONS.

>> Jon: RIGHT IN PRINCIPLE.

IN FACT IT WOULD BE THE OPPOSITEOF YES FOR THAT WHICH I BELIEVE

IS NO BECAUSE CONTRACEPTION ISNOT THE SAME THING AS ABORTION.

THAT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT.

>> THE GOVERNMENT HAS TO TAKEHOBBY LOBBY'S RELIGIOUS VIEWS AS

THEY COME. SO OFF THE TABLE ISANY QUESTION ABOUT THE ACCURACY

OF HOW HOBBY LOBBY AND ANOTHERCOMPANY CONESTOGA WOOD

VIEW THESE CONTRACEPTIVES ASAGENTS OF CAUSING ABORTION.

>> Jon: LET ME GET THISSTRAIGHT, CORPORATIONS AREN'T

JUST PEOPLE, THEY AREILL-INFORMED PEOPLE WHOSE

FACTUALLY INCORRECT BELIEFS MUSTBE UPHELD BECAUSE THEY

SINCEREISLY BELIEVE THEM ANYWAY.

I GUESS THAT'S WHY AT HOBBYLOBBY THEY FEED THEIR 16,000

EMPLOYEES WITH BUT FIVE LOAVESAND TWO FISH.

WHAT? THE EMPLOYEES ARE STILLHUNGRY? THEY BELIEVE YOU AREN'T.

FOR MORE ON THE HOBBY LOBBY

CASE WE GO OUT TO SENIORLEGAL ANALYST JONDAN KLEPPER.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]JORDAN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR

JOINING US. JORDAN, NOW THECOURT, THE SUPREME COURT HAS

PREVIOUSLY HELD THATCORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE. DOES

THAT MEAN THAT WE HAVE TOBELIEVE THAT THEY ARE RELIGIOUS

PEOPLE? >> WHY NOT, JON?

HOBBY LOBBY, CHICK-FIL-A,EHARMONY THESE ARE DECENT GOD

FEARING CORPORATIONS.

THEY ARE GOOD PEOPLE, BETTERTHAN ME AND YOU.

WELL, BETTER THAN JEW.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: DID YOU SAY JEW?

>> NO.

NO, NO.

BUT IF THE JEW FITS --[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: YOU SAID IT AGAIN.

>> NO, JON I DIDN'T -- THERE'S ACONNECTION PROBLEM, JON.

>> Jon: A CONNECTION PROBLEMTHAT MAKES YOU SAY JEW.

EVEN IF PRIVATE COMPANIES ARELEGAL PEOPLE THEY ARE NOT ALIVE.

THEY WEREN'T BORN.

>> ACTUALLY HOBBY LOBBY BELIEVEETHAT LIFE BEGINS AT

INCORPORATION.

>> Jon: REALLY?

[LAUGHTER]WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A

CORPORATION WITH CONSERVATIVERELIGIOUS BELIEFS, THEN?

NO SAME SEX MERGERS?

>> EXACTLY IT'S BED BATH ANDBEYOND NOT BED BATH AND STEVE.

THE BIBLE IS VERY CLEARMcDONALDS MAY ONLY LIE WITH

WENDY'S. OTHERWISEIT'S AN ABOMINATION.

>> Jon: NO BURGER KING.

>> WELL OBVIOUSLY BURGER KINGCAN BANG WHOEVER HE WANTS.

HE IS THE KING.

[LAUGHTER]THE POINT IS THESE COMMANIESHAVE

THE FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHT TO RUNTHEIR OPERATIONS ACCORDING TO

BIBLICAL PRINCIPLE.

>> Jon: BUT FOR HEALTH INSURANCEWHAT WOULD A BIBLICALLY

BASED INSURANCE PLAN EVEN COVER?LEPERCY?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

STONING RELATED INJURY, FLOODDAMAGE. IT'S A GREAT PREMODERN

MEDICINE, FIRST CENTURY,BIBLICALLY BASED HEALTH PLAN

THAT COVERS YOU FROM BIRTHTHROUGH YOUR ELDERLY YEARS

WHICH I BELIEVE IS LIKE UP TO36 IN THIS PLAN.

>> Jon: EVEN IF A CORPORTIONBELIEVES THIS STUFF I STILL

DON'T SEE WHY THEY SHOULD BEABLE TO FORCE THOSE BELIEFS ON

THEIR WORKERS. WHY SHOULDHOBBY LOBBY GET TO DENY ITS

WORKERS ACCESS TOCONTRACEPTION?

>> ACCESS TO CONTRA -- JON,LOOK.

THESE PEOPLE WORK IN AN ARTSUPPLY STORE.

PUT THAT EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT TOUSE AND HANDCRAFT YOUR OWN

CONTRACEPTION.

I ALWAYS CARRY MY HOMEMADECONDOM RIGHT HERE.

LET ME JUST GET THIS THING OUT.

LOOK AT THIS THING, HUH?

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: THAT'S A CONDOM?

>> YEAH!

YEAH.

MADE IT MYSELF, JON.

[ LAUGHTER ]LIKE THE BIBLE SAYS, GIVE A MAN

A CONDOM HE (bleep) FOR ADAY.

TEACH A MAN TO CRAFT A CONDOMAND HE WILL NEVER GET THAT

GLITTER OUT OF HIS PENIS.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: THAT ACTUALLY LOOKS

SOMEWHAT UNCOMFORTABLE TO USE.

>> YEAH, YEAH FOR THE USER, SUREBUT NOT FOR HIS EMPLOYER, JON,

AND THAT IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT.

>> Jon: THANK YOUR JORDAN.

JORDAN KLEPPER, EVERYBODY WE'LL

BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK. WOO.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S A MORNINGCABLE NEWS SHOW FOR EVERY

AMERICAN.

FOR THE HEARTLAND CONSERVATIVETHERE'S YOUR FOX AND FRIENDS.

[ LAUGHTER ]FOR AMERICANS WAITING AT THE

DMV, THERE'S CNN'S NEW DAY.

[LAUGHTER]BUT IF YOU WANT THE INSIDE SCOOP

ON WASHINGTON'S POWER PLAYERSLOOK NO FURTHER THAN MSNBC'S

MORNING JOE.

>> I'M SORRY, JON, LET ME STOPYOU RIGHT THERE.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: OOH, BOY.

>> MMM HMM YEAH.

MORNING JOE IS NOT A MORNINGNEWS SHOW.

>> Jon: SAM, IT'S A -- IT'S AMORNING NEWS SHOW.

>> NO, JON, MORNING JOE IS AFAMILY.

THE KIND OFFAMILY YOU DON'T SEE MUCH

ANYMORE.

[LAUGHTER]WHAT WITH TOOAY'S DIVORCE RATES

AND RAP MUSIC, AND FROZENYOGURT.

NO, MORNING JOE IS A FAMILYTHAT STICKS TOGETHER.

AND I SHOULD KNOW BECAUSE I'MSAMANTHA BEE AND I WATCH MORNING

JOE!

♪ THE MORNING JOE FAMILY IS AS

AMERICAN -- AS AN APPLE PIE.

[ LAUGHTER ]DADDY JOE IS A SALT OF EARTH

WEALTHY FORMER CONGRESSMAN.

MOTHER MIKA THE DAUGHTER OFIMMIGRANTS.

HIGH SOCIETY IMMIGRANTS, NOTTHE GROSS KIND.

[ LAUGHTER ]AND TOGETHER THEY ARE STRAPPED

ONTO THE ROCKETSHIP OF PASSIONTHAT IS MIDDLE AGED COUPLEDOM.

>> YOU CAN ALWAYS TELLCOUPLES THAT ARE NOT WORKING

OUT WELL BECAUSETHEY DRESS LIKE THEY'RE

GOING TOTWO DIFFERENT PARTIES.

>> YOU LOOK NICE TODAY BUT STILLIN THESE FREEZING TEMPERATURES

NO SOCKS. IT'S FLORIDASHOES, THOSE SMELLY THINGS.

>> I'M MAKING A STATEMENT.

>> YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO LOSEABOUT FIVE MORE POUNDS.

>> AND THEIR ROTE LOVELESSTV MARRIAGE BEGOT THE GREATEST

GIFT OF ALL BOY PUNDITS.

THERE'S WILLIE, MARKEY, LITTLEJOHNNY, BALD JOHNNY, HARRY BOWIECOLUMN JR.,

SMALL STEVIE, DOUBLE D'S,GIBBSEY, THE TODDSTER,

SLINGSHOT, TOM TOM, WHAMMYSAMMY, MIKEY S., MIKEY B. ANDMIKE.

AND YOU KNOW HOW BOYS ARE!

>> I THINK JOE WAS RIGHT.

>> I AGREE WITH JOE.

>> JOE IS RIGHT.

>> JOE IS RIGHT.>> I'M GOING TO AGREE WITH JOE.

>> I THINK JOE IS RIGHT ABOUTTHIS.

>> ALWAYS COMPLETELY AGREEINGWITH THEIR DAD.

HEY BUT MOMMY MIKA'S GOTOPINIONS OVER HERE, BOYS.

SHE'S NOT JUST A PAIR OF ALL YOUCAN EAT BUFFETS.

CENTERS HERSELF. OF COURSE AFAMILY THIS BIG HAS PLENTY OF

LOVE TO GIVE WHICH IS WHYMORNING JOE HAS SO MANY GREATFRIENDS.

>> MAYOR BLOOMBERG, A GOODFRIEND OF OURS.

>> A HEDGE FUNDBILLIONAIRE. QUITE FRANKLY, AFRIEND OF OURS.

>> WE'RE FRIENDS OF JERRYWEINTRAUB. WENT OVER TO

HIS HOUSE YESTERDAY.

>> WE LOVE FRED ARMISEN.

>> BONO WAS THERE. YOU GUYS WERECHATTING AWAY.

>> WE HAVE GOOD FRIENDS IN THEWHITE HOUSE.

>> WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS WITH CHRISCHRISTIE.

>> YES WE ARE.

>> YOU WOULD BE HARD PRESSED TOFIND PEOPLE IN WASHINGTON I'M

NOT FRIENDS WITH.

>> HAHA YOU CAN'T. BECAUSEIF THEY ARE NOT FRIENDS

WITH JOE AND MIKATHEY DON'T EXIST.

THEY ARE NOTHING.

[LAUGHTER]IT'S A PERFECT LIFE IN A PERFECT

WORLD AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO BESO HAPPY FOREVER.

>> SHE INTERRUPTS ME ALL THETIME. CAN I JUST STOP YOU

FOR A SECOND? >> NO ACTUALLY, YOU CANNOT.

>> DO YOU WANT TO SAY THAT ONTELEVISION THAT I'M ACHAUVINIST?

>> IT'S DAMN COLD OUT.

>> PLEASE STOP FIGHTING. ISIT MY FAULT? PLEASE DON'T RUINCHRISTMAS.

>> I DIDN'T.>> YOU DID.

>> THIS IS HORRIBLE.

>>YOU SOUND LIKE YOUR FATHER. >>YOU SHUT UP!

>> I'M SORRY.

YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO GETDIVORCED, AREN'T YOU?

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO LIVEWITH LAWRENCE O'DONNELL, HE

DOESN'T FLUSH THE TOILET.

[ LAUGHTER ]CAN'T ANYTHING SAVE THIS FAMILY?

>> GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE'SIMAGE AS A FRONT RUNNER IN 2016,

SOME SAY IS IN JEOPARDY.

>> WHAT?

UNCLE CHRIS IS IN TROUBLE?

>> I TALKED TO HIM YESTERDAY FOR15 MINUTES.

HE'S HAVING A HARD TIME.

HE IS REALLY SAD.

>> HE'S SAD? IS ITBECAUSE THE MEDIA IS

TRYING TO PIN THAT BRIDGESCANDAL ON HIM

JUST BECAUSE THAT WILDSTEINGUY, THE GUY WHO UNCLE CHRIS

SUSPICIOUSLY APPROVED A NEW JOBFOR IN THE AGENCY THAT RUNS

THE BRIDGE SAYS THAT CHRISTIEKNEW ABOUT IT.

>> HOLD ON. HOLD ON.

THIS IS WILD SPECULATION.

>> YEAH IT'S JUST WILDSPECULATION THAT A GOVERNOR

WOULD EVER TALK TO HIS STAFF.

WHAT IS HE SOME KIND OF PERVERT?

OR WAS IT THAT HOBOKEN MAYORTHAT WROTE IN HER PRIVATE DIARY

THAT CHRISTIE TRIED TO SHAKE HERDOWN.

GET HER, DAD.

>> I'M SAYING IF YOU WERESITTING DOWN AND CALL HIM QUOTE

CORRUPT IN HER PRIVATE DIARY -->> IN HER PRIVATE DIARY --

WHY ARE YOU SAYING HE ISA GREAT GUY PUBLICLY.

WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT ABOUTHER CHARACTER?

>> IT SAYS SHE'S A LIAR AND AWHORE AND A DRUNK WHO DOES

DRUGS.

POLITCALLY SPEAKING A DRUNKENWHORE JUNKY.

COME ON YOU MEDIA JACKALS IT'SJUST A BRIDGE.

IS IT REALLY MORE IMPORTANT THANUNCLE GOVERNOR CHRISTIE'SFEELINGS?

>> I JUST WONDER IF WE'VE ALLBEEN GUILTY OF BLOWING THIS OUTOF PROPORTION.

>> IT'S SORT OF LIKE SHOOT FIRSTASK QUESTIONS LATER.

>> WE ALSO HAVE TO WATCH OUTFOR THE PYLON.

>> THE BLOGGERS WITH THESCANDAL CHRIS CHRISTIE AND

EATING THE CHEETOS.>> STOP!

>> YOU KNOW, I'VE LEARNEDSOMETHING HERE TODAY.

♪ OH, SURE, MY MORNING JOE FAMILY

MAY FIGHT AND BICKER AND STAR(bleep) LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS

BUT WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN FOR

ONE OF OUR POWERFUL FRIENDS WE PULL TOGETHER TO ATTACK ANYONE

WHO QUESTIONS THEM BECAUSETHAT'S WHAT MORNING NEWS SHOWS

DO.

DADDY, MOMMY, MAKE UP MY BED,I'M COMING HOME!

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: THANK YOU, SAM.

[ LAUGHTER ]SAMANTHA BEE, EVERYONE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT.

HE HAS A NEW ONE OUT.

HE CAN CURRENTLY BE SEEN IN THEGRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL BUT THE

NEW FILM IS THE UPCOMING "DOMHEMINGWAY."

>> YOU HUNT DOM?

>> I ONLY USE A GUN TO HOLD UP APLACE, OR THREATEN SOMEONE OR

ROB THEM OR PISTOL WHIP THEMOR SCARE THEM.

BUT NO, NO HUNTING.

>>SHAME IT IS THE SPORT OFPRINCES.

>> WELL, I'M A PEASANT AT HEARTA PETTY SERF WITH NICE HAIR AND

A STRONG LIVER.

I'LL EAT WHAT YOU HUNT UNLESSIT'S RABBIT.

RABBIT'S A PET. I DON'T EATPETS.

>> Jon: IT'S A GOOD RULE TOLIVE BY.

PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THEPROGRAM JUDE LAW.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>>>Jon: WELCOME.

>> THANKS.

>> Jon: HOW ARE YOU?

>> I'M VERY WELL.

>> Jon: IS THERE A NAME FOR THATFACIAL HAIR CONFIGURATION?

>> WE, WE, WE NOW CALL IT DOM'SCHOPS.

>> Jon: DOM'S CHOPS.

>> BUT I THINK IT WAS LEMMYFROM MOTORHEAD CAN PROBABLYCLAIM

FIRST DIBS ON THOSE REALLY.

>> Jon: HE CAN.>> I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE ELSE.

I THINK IT WAS AN OLD CIVIL WAR.

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: OLD LIKE 19thCENTURY MAYBE RUSSIAN

ARISTOCRACY, SOMETHING LIKETHAT.

>> BUT THEN THEY USED TO GROWTHEM DOWN HERE, DIDN'T THEY?

>> Jon: FACIAL HAIR USED TOBE --

>> IT'S AMAZING WHAT FACIAL HAIRDOES.

I MEAN, I WAS SORT OF 60%TOWARDS GETTING THE

CHARACTER AS SOONAS I GREW THAT IN.

>> Jon: REALLY?

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: WAS THERE ANY THOUGHT?

BECAUSE THE KEY TO IT IS THISLEAVING THE CHIN OPEN.

>> YES, YES.

>> Jon: YOU GROW IT TOGETHER.

>> RIGHT THERE.

>> Jon: OH, YEAH. IT'S THEDETAILS.

I LOVE HAVING A BEARD.

WHEN I DON'T HAVE ONE I MISS ITTERRIBLY.

>> BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAVE ONE, DOYOU PLAY WITH IT?

[LAUGHTER]THE BEARD.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: YES.

I DO.

AND IT GIVES ME --[LAUGHTER]

-- IT GIVES ME A BEARING AND APEACE OF MIND THAT I DON'T HAVE

WHEN I'M CLEAN SHAVEN.

WHEN I'M CLEAN SHAVEN I FEELLIKE I'M AN IMPOSTER.

BUT I'M HIRSUTE AS A GENTLEMAN.

GROWING A BEARD I WOULDLITERALLY JUST HAVE TO UNBOTTON

MY SHIRT AND IT WOULD JUSTHAPPEN LIKE A VINE.

>> IT'S ALL UNDER THERE WAITINGTO COME OUT.

>> Jon: IT'S UNDER THERE WAITINGTO BE FREED. TO FIND THESE

CHARACTERS, I'M ALWAYSCURIOUS AS TO WHEN AN ACTOR

FEELS LIKE THEY ARE COMFORTABLEIN THAT CHARACTER'S SKIN.

LIKE IT IS YOU SAY YOU FIND ABEARD THAT MAKES IT COME ALIVE?

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: DO YOU FIND THATWITH EACH ONE OF YOURCHARACTERS?

THERE'S A MOMENT, AN AFFECT

THAT YOU PICK UP THAT YOU GO,THAT'S THE GUY.

>> YOU DON'T KNOW NECESSARILYFROM WHAT ELEMENT IT'S

GOING TO COME FROM. I MEANWHETHER IT'S FROM THE WORK YOU

DO ON THE SCRIPT, WHETHER IT'STHE WORK DO YOU IN REHEARSAL,

WHETHER IT'S GETTING THE RIGHTSHOES OR LIKE WE JUST

SAID LIKE THE RIGHT FACIALHAIR. ALL THE PARTS SORT OF

COME TOGETHER TO MAKETHE PERSON WHOLE.

>> Jon: DO YOU EVER HAVE THATSENSE IF YOU POP ME A BOWLER AND

MONOCLE I CAN NAIL THIS THING?

>> TRULY I REMEMBER BEING TOLDTHIS STORY ABOUT AN

ELDERLY ACTRESS IN ENGLANDWHO USED TO FIND HER OWN

COSTUME. SHE WAS CALLED BY HERAGENT AND OFFERED THIS

FANTASTIC PART AND DIDN'TRESPOND AND THE AGENT KEPT

CALLING BACK AND SAID LISTEN,DARLING IT'S A GREAT PART,

YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE IT SHESAID I CAN HAT IT AND DRESS IT

BUT I CAN'T SHOE IT.

>> Jon: IF YOU CAN'T SHOEYOUR PART, THERE IS NO PART.

YOU HAVE TO SHOE IT.

>> IT'S JUST THE PICTURE OF HERSITTING AT HOME GOING, THE LACEUPS, NO.

THE SLIP ONS WITH THE HEEL,NO.

>> Jon: IT'S NOT HAPPENING FORME.

NOW ARE YOU BACK IN LONDONLIVING IS THAT WHAT THE HOMEIS?

>> I LIVE IN LONDON.

I LOVE COMING HERE TO VISIT.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW WHY?

GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD.

>> IT IS A GREAT CITY -->> Jon: THE GREATEST.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> I LOVE NEW YORK.

BUT, YOU KNOW, AS I LONDONER IHAVE JUST FALLEN BACK IN LOVE

WITH LONDON. I'VE GOT TO TELLYOU. I MOVED INTO A NEW HOUSE,

AND WE FINALLY GOT A LITTLE BITOF SPRING, AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

>> Jon: LONDON IS ONE OF THOSECITIES LIKE NEW YORK, IT WORKS.

THEY FIGURED OUT.

>> WELL, WE'VE HAD LONG ENOUGH.

IT'S LIKE WE'VE BEEN PRACTICINGFOR YEARS.

>> Jon: HOW IS THE ADDITION? IKNOW THEY BUILT THE FERRIS

WHEEL.

HAS THAT BECOME A DECENTADDITION OR

DO PEOPLE JUST GO TOWEROF LONDON, FERRIS WHEEL I DON'T

KNOW WHAT THE (bleep) IS GOINGON.

>> NO IT'S A HUGE ADDITION.BUT LIKE EVERYTHING IN LONDON

THAT WAS BUILT AND PUT UPJUST FOR THE

MILLENNIUM AND BLAIR THOUGHTOKAY YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN, LET'S

TAKE IT DOWN AND OF COURSETHE PEOPLE WERE LIKE THIS

IS KINDA COOL. WEWANT TO USE THIS.

SO NO. THAT'S VERY POPULAR.WHAT HAVE WE GOT THERE THAT IS

NEW? HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THISNEW BUILDING THAT'S LIKE

THE TALLEST BUILDING IN EUROPECALLED THE SHARD.

WHICH IS ABOUT THE MOSTUNFORTUNATE NAME FOR A BUILDING.

IN THE WORLD. HAVE YOU BEEN UPTHE SHARD?

>> Jon: I WAS GOING TO THE TOPOF THE SHARD BUT I DIDN'T DOIT.

>> LET ME TAKE YOU UP THE SHARD.

TERRIBLE.

>> Jon: I WAS THERE WILL WHENTHERE WAS A BUILDING LOOKED

LIKE A GIANT VIBRATOR. IT LOOKEDLIKE -- IT'S SILVER.

>> UNFORTUNATELY THAT ONE'S NOTTHE SHARD. THAT'S THE GERKIN.

>> Jon: IS THAT REALLY THEGERKIN? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

WHY NOT JUST CALL ITTHE (bleep)?

THAT'S JUST CRAZY.

IT'S CALLED THE GERKIN?THAT'S IT'S OFFICIAL TITLE? NOT

THE ONE THE KIDS CALLIT BEHIND ITS BACK?

>> I EVEN THINK THE ARCHITECTCALLED IT THE GERKIN.

>> Jon: THIS THING LOOKS LKE AVIBRATOR.

VIBRATING GERKIN.

WHEN DOES YOUR MOVIE OPEN?

OPENS IN NEW YORK AND L.A. WHEN?

>> APRIL 2.

>> Jon: AND THEN ITOPENS NATIONWIDE THROUGHOUT

APRIL AND YOU SHOULD GO SEE IT.

IF NOT FOR JUST THE CHOPS.

JUDE LAW, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU, MY FRIEND.

>> THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

HERE IT IS YOUR MOMENT ZEN.

>> SOMEHOW USING HIS CELL PHONEAT 1:48 IN THE MORNING.

>> TO LOOK FOR PORN, DAN.

PORN!

>> OKAY.

WHATEVER -- WHATEVER IT WAS FORTHOUGH HE WAS CLAIMING THAT THEY

WERE ASLEEP.

>> PORN!

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