August 4, 2014 - Elisabeth Moss

  • Episode: 19139
  • (0)

The child immigration crisis continues, Jordan Klepper explains the ethics of border smugglers, and Elisabeth Moss discusses "The One I Love."

>> Jon: HEY EVERYBODY.

WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW."

BOOM! WHO AM I?

MY NAME IS JON STEWART. YOUCAN CALL ME, STARLORD.

MY GUEST TONIGHT-- WHAT, AM ITHE ONLY GUY WHO SAW

WHAT IS IT -- GUARDIANS OF THEGALAXY THIS WEEK?

[BLEEPED] HIGH BROW AUDIENCETONIGHT. SO BAD.

WAIT, WAIT, DON'T TELL ME.

DID YOU SEE THAT? IS THAT WHATYOU SAW?

[AUDIENCE CHEERING].[BLEEPED].

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS ELIZABETHMOSS.

BUT FIRST, LET ME TAKE YOU BACK.

LAST WEEK ON "THE DAILY SHOW"...

>> CRISIS ON THE BORDER.

>> BORDER BEDLAM.

>> HUMANITARIAN NIGHTMARE.

>> CHAOS AND DESPAIR.

>> THE SITUATION IS SO DIRE.

>> THE CRISIS AT HAND DEMANDSACTION.

>> UNLESS WE SIT DOWN AND REASONTOGETHER, WE'RE GOING TO END UP

WITH THE STATUS QUO.

>> Jon: SO ALL WE NEED TO SAVEOURSELVES IS FOR CONGRESS TO SIT

DOWN AND REASON.

[LAUGHTER]TOGETHER.

OH, MY GOD!

[SCREAMING MANIACALLY]CAN THEY DO IT?

[LAUGHTER]DID THEY DO IT?

BECAUSE ACTUALLY, SPOILER ALERT,YOU COULD HAVE WATCHED THE NEWS

BETWEEN FRIDAY AND MONDAY ANDYOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW, BUT

IF YOU DID NOT BECAUSE YOU WEREAT THE THEATER, HERE'S HOW IT

WENT DOWN STARTING ON JULY8th:

>> THE WHITE HOUSE TODAY ASKEDCONGRESS FOR $3.7 BILLION TO

DEAL WITH THE FLOOD OFUNACCOMPANIED CHILDREN COMING

INTO THE UNITED STATESILLEGALLY.

>> Jon: OKAY.

BUT I DON'T THINK THEY ASKED FORIT BY PUTTING IT ON A WHITE

BOARD ON A FENCE.

$3.7 BILLION DOLLARS.

THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.

CONGRESS?

>> WE'RE NOT GOING TO WRITEBLANK CHECK FOR OVER $4 BILLION.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: REAL, REAL QUICK, YOU DO

REALIZE HOUSE CHAIRMAN OFHOMELAND SECURITY, THAT A

BLANK CHECK CAN'T BE FORA SPECIFIC NUMBER.

YOU KNOW THAT?

ONCE YOU WRITE A SPECIFICNUMBER, $4 BILLION, $2 BILLION,

WHATEVER IT IS, IT LOSES THEVITAL QUALITY OF BLANKNESS.

IT'S NOT BLANK ANYMORE.

I DON'T KNOW IF WE SHOULD REALLYELECT PEOPLE THAT DON'T KNOW HOW

CHECKS WORK.

[LAUGHTER]SIR, THERE'S NO AMOUNT HERE.

SIR, YOU'VE JUST WRITTEN,YOU'VE JUST WRITTEN...

IT'S JUST A STICK FIGURE WITHBAGS OF MONEY ON IT.

I KNOW.

I WANT TO DEPOSIT THE MONEY, BUTTHE GUY WON'T TELL ME HOW MUCH

MONEY IS IN THE BAGS.

[LAUGHTER]SO, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEND

$3.7 BILLION ON THIS, FINE,SMASH CUT JULY 31st.

>> THE SENATE'S OWN $2.7 BILLIONPLAN FAILED TO PASS A

PRELIMINARY VOTE THIS WEEK.

>> Jon: KNOCKED A BILLIONDOLLARS OFF IT AND STILL BLOCKED

IT. OF COURSE. IS THERE ANYBODYWITH AN IDEA OUT THERE

HOW TO SOLVE THIS HUMANITARIANCRISIS, ANYBODY AT ALL?

>> HOUSE REPUBLICANS ROLLING OUTTHEIR OWN PLAN TO DEAL WITH THE

ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION CRISIS.

>> Jon: IS THERE ANYBODY?

ANYBODY?

ANYBODY WHO'S GOT SOME IDEASABOUT HOW THE DEAL... ANYBODY?

>> THESE ARE JUST LITTLE KIDSTHAT ARE COMING OVER, AND YOU'RE

CALLING FOR A SHOOT-TO-KILL.

>> LITTLE KIDS?

>> Jon: SO WE KNOW THAT IF INTHE ABSENCE OF CONGRESSIONAL

ACTION, THE KU KLUX KLAN ISREADY TO FILL THE VOID.

>> IN OUR TEN-MINUTE INTERVIEW,THE KLAN MEMBERS LISTED THEIR

USUAL GRIEVANCES -- BLACK, JEWSAND GAYS, AND NOW IMMIGRANTS.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, AS LONG ASWE'RE LISTING GRIEVANCES, AND

YOU MAY SEE THIS AS A MINORPOINT, A BIT NICK PICKY,

BUT FLIP-FLOPS,DUDE, REALLY? FLIP FLOPS?

I MEAN, THESE ARE, THESE AREYOUR GOOD SATIN ROBES.

THESE ARE THE BIG ROBES.

I'M ASSUMING THESE ARE THEFORMAL ROBES.

I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT ANEIGHT-YEAR-OLD AT THE BEACH.

YOU'RE A GROWN MAN WHO, ALBEITLIKES TO DRESS UP IN BED SHEETS

AND SET FIRE TO THINGS.

LOOK, I DON'T CARE IF IT'SSUMMER WHERE YOU LIVE, YOU'RE ON

TELEVISION.

PUT ON A NICE PAIR OF SLACKS ANDSOME REAL SHOES.

NO ONE IS GOING TO BELIEVEYOU'RE THE MASTER RACE IF THEY

THINK YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO TIEYOUR LACES.

[LAUGHTER]SO, ALL RIGHT.

WE'VE GOT A CHOICE BETWEEN THEKLAN PLAN AND OUR HOUSE OF

REPRESENTATIVES.

UM, ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO WITH THEHOUSE.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA ASKEDCONGRESS FOR $3.7 BILLION TO

ADDRESS THE CRISIS ON THEBORDER.

>> SPEAKER BOEHNER TRIMMED THATDOWN TO ABOUT $1.5 BILLION, BUT

THE HOUSE APPROPRIATIONSCOMMITTEE CUT THAT EVEN

FURTHER, $659 MILLION.

>> Jon: WHAT? THAT'S NOT IN THEEVEN IN THE SAME BALLPARK...

THAT'S NOT EVEN IN THE SAME...THAT'S NOT A NEGOTIATION...

IT'S LIKE THIS MAN NEEDS A HEARTTRANSPLANT.

OH, HEART TRANSPLANT?

WELL, HOW ABOUT IF I GIVE HIMFOUR POSSUM HEARTS AND A

TRANSISTOR RADIO?[LAUGHTER].

BUT I GUESS COMPARED TO THESENATE'S NOTHING BILL, THE HOUSE

AT LEAST HAS ACTUAL LEGISLATION.

ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS PASS THISBILL AND THEY ALL LOOK LIKE

HEROES.

>> TED CRUZ, THE JUNIOR SENATORFROM TEXAS, HE HAD PARTY IN TOWN

HERE IN D.C. ON WEDNESDAY,SERVING BEER AND PIZZA.

HE TOLD MEMBERS OF THECONSERVATIVE CAUCUS THAT THEY

SHOULD NOT VOTE FOR ANYLEGISLATION ON THE ISSUE OF THE

BORDER.>> YEAH.

>> Jon: UH, FIRST OF ALL, ILOVE HOW WHEN A BRITISH GUY SAYS

"BEER AND PIZZA," HE MAKES ITSOUND LIKE [BLEEPED] VOMIT.

APPARENTLY THEY HAD PARTY WHERETHEY HAD BEER AND PIZZA.

AH, OH.

AND SECOND OF ALL, WHO CARESABOUT SENATOR TED CRUZ.

HE'S IN THE SENATE.

THEY ALREADY DID THEIR NOTHING.

PIZZA OR NO PIZZA, SCREW THATGUY.

WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS?

>> G.O.P. LEADERSHIP CANCELED AVOTE YESTERDAY ON A $659 MILLION

BORDER BILL.

>> THEY COULDN'T GATHER THEVOTES NEEDED.

>> Jon: THE HOUSE REPUBLICANSWERE SO CLOSE TO THE APPEARANCE

OF DOING SOMETHING.

AND THEIR PLAN WAS SABOTAGED ANDWITH PIZZA NO LESS.

THIS MAY BE PIZZA'S DARKESTHOURS.

[LAUGHTER]SECOND ONLY THE WHEN THE NAZIS

INVADE FRANCE UNDER THISPRETENSE OF DELIVERING FIVE

MILLION OF THEM.

[AUDIENCE REACTS]OH, WE CAN'T USE DOMINO'S.

IS THAT FOR REAL?

EARLIER IT WAS DOMINO'S.

I DON'T KNOW.

NOW IT'S CHANGED TO THIS BIZARREANGELO'S PIZZA.

TALK ABOUT SOME CRAZY BREAD.

SO, SO WHAT TOPPINGS DID THECRUZ CONTINGENT OF THE HOUSE PUT

ON THEIR [BLEEPED] YOU PIZZA?

>> THE NEW VERSION WOULD ALSOGIVE $35 MILLION TO BORDER STATE

GOVERNORS TO PAY FOR NATIONALGUARD TROOPS.

IN ADDITION, IT WOULD TWEAKLANGUAGE IN THAT 2008

ANTI-TRAFFICKING LAW THAT WOULDMAKE IT EASIER TO QUICKLY DEPORT

UNACCOMPANIED MINORS.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, THE SENATEIS ALREADY OUT SO NOTHING IN

THIS BILL MATTERS ANYWAY.

WHY NOT HAVE SOME FUN WITH THIS?

MINORS MUST BE DEPORTED VIACIRCUS CANNON OR REPLACE THE

BORDER FENCE WITH A WIPEOUTCOURSE, AND IF YOU GET THROUGH,

HEY, YOU'RE IN.

[LAUGHTER]DRESS THE BORDER PATROL UP AS

MOUNTIES SO THEY THINK THEY'VECOME HERE AND GONE TOO FAR AND

TURN BACK AROUND.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]I MEAN, THIS IS SO INSANE.

WE HAD AN URGENT CRISIS ON THESOUTHERN BORDER.

THE PRESIDENT OFFERS A SOLUTION.

THE SENATE CAN'T EVEN GET THEIRSTO AN UP-OR-DOWN VOTE, AND THE

HOUSE PASSES A DRACONIAN VERSIONTHAT SOMEHOW MOVES TO THE RIGHT

OF ITSELF.

AT THIS POINT CAN ANYTHING BEDONE?

>> BOEHNER RELEASED A STATEMENTAFTER HE YANKED THE BILL SAYING

THIS, "THERE ARE NUMEROUS STEPSTHE PRESIDENT CAN AND SHOULD BE

TAKING RIGHT NOW WITHOUT THENEED FOR CONGRESSIONAL ACTION."

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: DID JOHN BOEHNER JUST

SUGGEST THAT IF CONGRESS WON'TACT TO CHANGE A LAW IT

DOESN'T LIKE THEPRESIDENT SHOULD?

CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE THERE'SA GUY RIGHT NOW SUING THE

PRESIDENT FOR THAT.

>> HOUSE SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER TOSUE U.S. PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.

>> Jon: WOW.

IF BOEHNER EVER GETS AHOLD OFTHAT OTHER BOEHNER, HIS FACE IS

GONNA BE SO REDDISH ORANGE.

[LAUGHTER]WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE][CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: I THINK PERHAPSTONIGHT I'LL HAVE SOME HOT

POCKETS.

WELCOME BACK.

SO CONGRESS CANNOT SOLVE THEBORDER CRISIS.

OR ANY OTHER PROBLEM.

[LAUGHTER]BUT WHY ARE WE IN THIS MESS TO

BEGIN WITH?

>> THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATIONANNOUNCED IN 2012 IT WOULD ALLOW

SOME CHILDREN TO REMAIN IN THEU.S. WITHOUT FEAR OF

DEPORTATION.

THAT PROGRAM APPLIED ONLY TOCHILDREN WHO ARRIVED AT THE U.S.

BEFORE 2007.

BUT SMUGGLERS IN CENTRAL AMERICAARE CONVINCING FAMILIES THE

REPRIEVE STILL STANDS.

>> FAMILIES ARE BEING LIED TOAND MANIPULATED BY THE COYOTES.

>> Jon: COYOTES.

WHAT IF WE JUST GET THEM TO LOOKDOWN.

[GUNFIRE][APPLAUSE]

NO, HONESTLY, THAT WAS REALLYLONG WALK FOR A WYLE E. COYOTE

JOKE. TOOK YOU ALL AROUND THEBLOCK AND WENT... SO, THERE'S

A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT WAYS WECAN ADDRESS THE FUNDAMENTAL

ISSUES CAUSING THIS PROBLEM --ECONOMIC ASSISTANCE TO THEIR

HOME CENTRAL AMERICAN COUNTRIES,TRAINING ASSISTANCE TO CENTRAL

AMERICAN LAW ENFORCEMENT,REFORMING OUR IMMIGRATION COURTS

TO PROCESS MINORS MOREEFFICIENTLY.

>> YOU HAVE TO ADDRESS THESEAMBIGUITIES IN OUR LAW THAT ARE

CREATING THE CIRCUMSTANCES THATARE ALLOWING THESE TRAFFICKING

GROUPS TO CONVINCE PEOPLE TO PAYTHEM $8,000 OR $10,000 TO BRING

THEM HERE.

>> Jon: OR YOU CAN MAKESEMANTIC CHANGES.

THAT'S THE OTHER WAY WE COULDGO, JUST CHANGE THE WORDING.

SIX OH ONE. FOR MORE ON THEHOUSE BOARDER BILL, WE TURN TO

SENIOR IMMIGRATION CORRESPONDENTJORDAN KLEPPER IN MEXICO.

JORDAN, THANK YOU FOR JOININGUS.

[APPLAUSE]JORDAN, IF OBAMA'S ACTION GIVES

COYOTES LEEWAY TO LIE, WHATMAKES YOU THINK THAT THE HOUSE

BILL IS GOING TO STOP THEM?

IT'S RIDICULOUS.

>> FIRST OF ALL, JON, DOWN HERETHE TERM COYOTE IS CONSIDERED

OFFENSIVE.

THEY PREFER PEDIATRICIMMIGRATION CONSULTANT.

>> Jon: WHERE, WHERE ARE YOU,JORDAN?

>> SOMEWHERE BETWEEN CHIHUAHUAAND AUSTIN.

I'M TRAVELING WITH THECONSULTANTS AS THEY EMIGRATE

SOME PEDIATRICS.

AND THEY'RE WORRIED THAT IF THEAMBIGUITY IS TAKEN OUT OF THE

LAW THIS COULD BETHEIR LAST RUN.

>> LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, OBAMA'S2012 ORDER, WHICH IS SUPPOSEDLY

ENABLING THESE IMMIGRATIONCONSULTANTS COYOTES TO LIE, IT

CLEARLY APPLIED ONLY TOCHILDREN WHO ENTERED

BEFORE 2007 AND WERE PRESENTPHYSICALLY STILL IN 2012.

SO THERE IS NO AMBIGUITY.

WHERE IS THE AMBIGUITY?

>> PRESENT PHYSICALLY 2012 OFWHAT, 2012 OF WHAT, JON?

WHAT ARE THESE TERMS.

THEY COULD BE ANYTHING.

>> HOW COULD IT, HOW COULD IT BECLEARER, JORDAN?

>> OKAY, IT COULD BE CLEARER.

YOU COULD BOLD IT, YOU COULDUNDERLINE IT, BIGGER FONT.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANT TO STOPTHE BORDER CRISIS, THERE ARE

TOOLS AVAILABLE.

DO DIAGRAMS OF HOW TO FOLLOWTHE LAW LIKE IKEA.

YOU KNOW, CLARIFY IT.

YOU NEED TO CLARIFY THE LAW ANDTHE COYOTES WILL FOLLOW IT.

>> Jon: WHY?

WHY WOULD CHANGING THE LAW STOPTHESE PEOPLE FROM LYING ABOUT

THE LAW?

THEY'RE ALREADY LYING ABOUT ITNOW.

>> WHOA!

THAT'S A SERIOUS CHARGE.

ALL RIGHT.

BE CAREFUL.

YOU'RE GOING TO WIND UP WITH ASLANDER SUIT ON YOUR HANDS.

>> Jon: I SEEM, I SEEM TO HAVEANGERED YOU.

>> YEAH, YEAH.>> Jon: I'M SORRY.

>> THAT IS SERIOUS, JON.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET SUED.

>> Jon: THANK YOU.

THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU.

TOO LATE.

BUT THEY ARE, THEY ARE LYING.

>> YES, BUT WITH A SOFT LIE.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

>> IS IT REALLY LYING WHENYOU'RE LYING TO A CHILD OR A

FAMILY THAT DOESN'T KNOW ANYBETTER?

>> Jon: YES. THAT IS STILL, THATIS STILL LYING,

EVEN WHENYOU DO IT TO CHILDREN.

>> NO, NO, NO, PLEASE.

EVERYONE LIES TO KIDS TO GIVETHEM HOPE.

YOU KNOW, SANTA IS REAL.

YOU CAN GROW UP TO BE PRESIDENT.

MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE EACH OTHER.[LAUGHTER].

KIDS NEED HOPE AND COYOTES AREHERE TO PROVIDE IT.

FOR A NOMINAL FEE OF $8,000$10,000.

>> Jon: SO THE COYOTES WILLFILL THE SPACE OF AMBIGUITY IN

WITH LIES, EVEN IF NO AMBIGUITYEXISTS, BUT THE ONE LINE THEY

WILL NOT CROSS IS THE ABJECTLINE.

>> NOW YOU ARE GETTING IT.

>> Jon: I UNDERSTAND.

>> IT'S A LITTLE THING CALLEDTHE COYOTE'S CODE.

SURE. YOU KNOW, THEY'LL SEWCHILDREN INTO THE UPHOLSTERY

OF CARS, TAKE DESPERATEFAMILIES' ENTIRE SAVINGS, KILL

THEM OFF IF THEY DON'T PAY,YOU KNOW, BUT YOU WILL NOT GET

SOMEONE WHOSE PROFESSIONAL NAMEIS SYNONYMOUS WITH AN

AMORAL SCAVAGING BEASTTO LIE ABOUT THE REPEAL

OF AN EXECUTIVE ACTION. YOUKNOW. THEY'RE NOT HYENAS.

>> Jon: THANK YOU, JORDAN.

GOOD LUCK ON THE TRAIN.

JORDAN KLEPPER, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I DIDN'T REALIZE.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

ONE MORE ACT ABOUT IMMIGRATION.

I THINK THAT WILL REALLY DO IT.[LAUGHTER].

WELCOME BACK. MY GUEST TONIGHT,

STARS ON WHAT DO YOU CALL ITTHERE, "MAD MEN."

GOT A NEW FILM CALLED "THE ONE ILOVE."

>> I KNOW YOU ONLY HAD A LITTLEBIT OF IT.

>> YEAH. I WAS THERE OR LIKETHREE SECONDS.

>> I KNOW.

BUT I HAD A WHOLE EVENING INTHAT HOUSE, AND I HAVE TO SAY, I

KNOW I SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSONRIGHT NOW, BUT I HAVE TO SAY,

IT'S KIND OF MAGICAL.>> WELL...

>> IT WAS...

>> DON'T GO FORWARD WITH THEWHOLE MAGIC OF WHAT HAPPENED

THERE...>> THERE WAS, NO, THERE WAS...

>> BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOUDID IN THERE. OKAY?

>> ALL RIGHT. THAT'S NOT WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT.

I'M NOT TALLING ABOUT THAT KINDOF MAGIC.

THERE WAS A RUSH.

IT WAS EXCITING.

I FELT HAPPY.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: PLEASE WELCOME

ELIZABETH MOSS.

COME ON!

YOU LOOK COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

>> THIS IS MAGIC.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: PLEASE, LOVELY TO SEE

YOU.

>> LOVELY TO SEE YOU.

>> Jon: THANK YOU MUCH FORBEING HERE.

>> I AM SUPER HONORED TO BEHERE.

>> AND THE MOVIE IS WONDERFUL.

AND YOU ARE WONDERFUL IN IT.

>> VERY NICE OF YOU.

THANK YOU.

>> Jon: THE NATURAL RHYTHMSTHAT YOU GUYS DEVELOP, IS THAT

BECAUSE IN THE SCENES YOU'REIMPROVISING WITH EACH OTHER

BECAUSE THERE'S A... >> YEAH, IT'S HALF THAT...

>> Jon: A CHEMISTRY.>> THANK YOU. THAT'S AWESOME.

IT'S HALF THAT AND ALSO HALFMARK AND I ARE FRIENDS.

WE GET ALONG REALLY WELL.

LIKE, WE KIND OF HAVE NATURALFRIENDSHIP.

SO I THINK THAT KIND OFHOPEFULLY COMES ACROSS.

>> Jon: RIGHT.>> YEAH.

>> Jon: NOW IT KIND OF RUINS THEMOVIE FOR ME, QUITE FRANKLY.

>> SORRY.

>> Jon: I THOUGHT IT WAS PURETALENT, GIRL, TALENT!

>> NO.

>> Jon: NO, IT WAS WONDERFUL.>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: THERE IS A TWIST IN THEMOVIE...

>> YES.>> Jon: THAT HAPPENS THAT

I SHOULD NOT, DO NOT WANT TOGIVE AWAY.

>> NO, YOU CAN'T.>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> WHICH BASICALLY MEANS THAT ICAN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT

THE MOVIE.

>> Jon: SO JUST, SO, SO LET'S DOTHIS THEN, JUST TELL ME HOW

"MAD MEN" ENDS.

[LAUGHTER][CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

IF YOU CAN'T TELL ME ABOUT THISMOVIE, TELL ME HOW YOUR OTHER

PROJECT...

>> THAT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR.>> Jon: SO I CAN'T, I, SO, NO...

>> THAT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE FAIRDEAL. NO.

>> Jon: I'M JUST GOING TO GIVEAWAY THE PLOT TWIST THEN.

HERE COMES THE PLOT TWIST. NO IWON'T DO THAT.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, WHAT IS THEPLOT TWIST?

>> I SEEM TO ONLY WORK ON THINGSTHAT I CAN'T ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT

OR PROMOTE.

>> Jon: THAT ARE SECRETS.

>> YES.

>> Jon: DID YOU...OKAY. LETME...SO, HOW... SO,

SHOULD WE BACK INTO THIS?

DID YOU, WHEN YOU FOUND OUTABOUT THE PLOT TWIST...

>> YES, YES.

>> Jon: DID YOU THINK TOYOURSELF, "DIDN'T SEE THAT

COMING."

>> YES. DO THAT AGAIN.

>> Jon: DO YOU NOT, DO YOU NOTHAVE A VARIETY OF CARTOON...

>> NO, NOT LIKE THAT.

DO IT AGAIN.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: HERE'S WHAT'S SAD.

I WILL.>> I KNOW YOU WILL.

[APPLAUSE]>> Jon: YOU KNOW, THAT'S A

STANDARD, YOU KNOW, YOU DOTHE BAOOGA...THAT'S...YOU DO THE

WHOLE, YOU DON'T HAVE A RUNTHROUGH THE GAMUT OF CARTOON...

>> NO.

>> Jon: DID YOU WATCH, WERE YOUFAN OF THE CARTOONS.

>> YEAH, FOR SURE, WHEN I WAS AKID.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: NO BELIEVE ME, I

DON'T WATCH THEM ANYMORE.

EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE INCREDIBLYINTERESTING AND SOPHISTICATED

AND "GRAVITY FALLS" HAS THESEINCREDIBLE PLOT LINES.

>> ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

>> Jon: OKAY. WHAT WAS THE LASTCARTOON, DID YOU EVER SEE,

WHAT WAS THE LAST LIKECARTOON YOU WATCHED?

>> OH, GOD, I WAS REALLY INTONICKELODEON WHEN IT HAD LIKE

"DOUG" AND I THINKIT WAS LIKE "REN AND STIMPY"

AND STUFF LIKE THAT. DID YOU...

>> Jon: OH DEAR LORD, HOW OLD AMI?

>> YOU'RE REALLY OLD.

>> Jon: REN AND STIMPEY IREMEMBER. THAT IS...

SHE'S RIGHT. SHE'S NOTLYING.

>>NO.>> Jon: DOES IT SURPRISE YOU

WHEN YOU, LIKE, JON HAMM'SPROBABLY ABOUT MY AGE, RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: BUT HE LOOKSGREAT.

[LAUGHTER]HOW DOES... WHY DO TWO PEOPLE,

JON HAMM AND MYSELF...>> YEAH.

>> Jon: WE'RE BOTHEQUALLY MADE UP OF HUMAN DUST...

>> SURE.

>> Jon: WHATEVER, WHY DOES HEGET TO LOOK LIKE THAT?

>> I DON'T KNOW, JON.

>> Jon: AND I GET THIS.>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> Jon: [BLEEPED] UP.

>> I'M SORRY.[LAUGHTER].

>> Jon: I'M NOT BLAMING YOU.

>> I FEEL BAD, THOUGH.

>> Jon: NO, DON'T FEEL BAD. I'VELEARNED TO DEAL IT.

>> I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT.

[AUDIENCE REACTS].

>> Jon: WATCH, WATCH.

WHAT?

THAT'S WHAT IT'S USEFUL FOR.

>> SEE? AWESOME.

>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, DOYOU EVER, DO YOU EVER MEET

PEOPLE THAT YOU LIKE SEE ONTELEVISION OR IN THE FILMS

IN PERSON AND THINK THEY LOOKCOMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN HOW

THEY LOOK IN REGULAR LIFE?ACTORS ESPECIALLY BECAUSE

THEY'RE SO, THEY TRANSFORMTHEMSELVES PHYSICALLY.

>> YEAH, FOR SURE.

I THINK SO.

>> Jon: WHO DO YOU GOT?

ANYBODY IN PARTICULAR?

I THOUGHT JENNIFER LAWRENCELOOKED LIKE HELEN MIRREN.

>> OH, YEAH, I JUST WATCHEDTHAT.

I JUST WATCHED THAT INTERVIEW.YEAH.

I TOTALLY SAW IT. I SEE WHATYOU SAW.

>> Jon: THANK YOU.>> YOU'RE WELCOME.

>> Jon: THANK YOU.

>> SHE ACTED LIKE YOU WERECRAZY. BUT I SAW WHAT YOU SAW.

>> Jon: KIND OF LIKE... YEAH.

>> YEAH. I MEAN, I LOVE HER.

>> Jon: SHE'S TREMENDOUS.

>> BUT I SAW WHAT YOU SAW.

>> Jon: YEAH. LIKE HELEN MIRREN.

>> YEAH, YEAH. TOTALLY.

YOU'RE STILL UPSET ABOUT THAT,AREN'T YOU?

>> Jon: JUST WAIT UNTIL I GETHOME AND THINK ABOUT HOW OLD I

AM COMPARED TO JON HAMM. THAT'SGONNA REALLY...

>> YOU'RE JUST AIRING YOURGRIEVANCES WITH ME.

>> Jon: NOT AT ALL. CAN I TELLYOU SOMETHING?

DO YOU HAVE? DO YOU GETREGRETFUL FOR ANY THINGS?

SOMEBODY ASKED ME EARLIER, DOYOU GET REGRETFUL FOR ANYTHING.

>> SOMETIMES.

>> Jon: OK, SO I HAVE,THERE'S AN ISRAELI WOMAN

IN THE AUDIENCE. SHE SAYS TO MEBEFORE THE SHOW, WE'RE

FANS OF YOURS, WE'RE FROMISRAEL.

I'M GOING TO ASK YOU A JEWISHQUESTION.

>> OKAY.

>> Jon: WHAT WAS YOUR MOSTREGRETFUL INTERVIEW, BECAUSE AS

YOU KNOW, MY PEOPLE TENDTO LOOK INTERNALLY...

>> SURE.

>> Jon: TYPICALLY WITHDISAPPOINTMENT.

>> RIGHT, RIGHT.

>> Jon: SO, I WAS SAYING, YOUKNOW, THE DONALD RUMSFELD

INTERVIEW BECAUSE HE STARTED AWAR FOR NO REASON AND LIED A LOT

ABOUT IT, AND LIKE KEPT LYINGABOUT IT EVEN ON THE SHOW.

>> RIGHT. >> Jon: AND I THOUGHT LIKE, OH,

I'LL NAIL HIM ON THAT, AND HE'LLBE LIKE [BLEEPED], IT'S THE END

OF THE ROAD FOR OLD DONNIERUMSFELD, YOU GOT ME.

BUT I DIDN'T.

>> BUT, IT DIDN'T WORK?

I DON'T THINK YOU CAN BLAMEYOURSELF FOR THAT, THOUGH.

HONESTLY.>> Jon: CAN I JUST...

>> I'M JUST HERE TO MAKE YOUFEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.

>> Jon: I WAS GOING TO SAY, CANI JUST KEEP YOU AROUND?

>> I'LL JUST WHISPER IN YOUR EARWHEN YOU'RE FEELING BAD.

[WHISPERING] "I THINK YOU LOOKGREAT."

>> Jon: I FEEL LIKE IF I SHAKEYOU, IT WILL SNOW.

IT WILL JUST SNOW. IT WILL BELIKE, I'LL KEEP YOU IN A LITTLE

GLOBE, AND I'LL JUST GO,"ELIZABETH, I JUST DON'T KNOW

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME". SHOOK,SHOOK, SHOOK.

>> I THINK YOU'RE DOING GREAT,JON.

>> Jon: THANK YOU.

THAT'S VERY NICE.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO TALK ABOUT,"THE ONE I LOVE."

>> "THE ONE I LOVE" COMES OUT ONAUGUST 27th.

>> Jon: IS IN THE THEATERS ONAUGUST 27th.

>> YEP.

>> Jon: WE CAN'T TELL YOUTHE TWIST, BUT IT'S QUITE GOOD.

>> IT'S QUITE GOOD.>> Jon: AND THE MOVIE'S...

>> AND IT'S A RELATIONSHIPCOMEDY DRAMA.

>> YES.>> IT'S, IT'S ABOUT A MARRIED

COUPLE WHO'S GOING THROUGH HARDTIME.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> AND TED DANISON PLAYS ATHERAPIST AND SENDS THEM AWAY

FOR THE WEEKEND ANDHIJINKS ENSUE.

>> Jon: HIJINKS ENSUE. BUT VERYENTERTAINING HIJINKS.

>> OH YEAH.

>> Jon: NOT YOUR REGULARHIJINKS.

>> NO, NO, REALLY AWESOMEHIJINKS.

>> Jon: AWESOME HIJINKS.ELIZABETH MOSS,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: HEY, YOU EVER HAVE ONE

OF THOSE DAYS WHERE YOU THINK TOYOURSELF, "AH I SURE HOPE THIS

ISN'T ON TELEVISION?"

[LAUGHTER]HEY, MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT, WE'LL

GET 'EM TOMORROW.

THAT'S OUR SHOW, JOIN USTOMORROW NIGHT AT 11:00.

HERE IT IS, YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN.

>> COME SOME NIGHT WITH ME ANDSIT OUT AT THE BORDER ONE, TWO,

3:00 IN THE MORNING, DODGETARANTULAS, SCORPIONS,

RATTLESNAKES.

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